Death finally..

Travelled in an unreserved seat yesterday.
But then the seat was reserved for me. Period. (if you cannot get this dumbo, go to hell)

Postponed my death to a suitable date.

Moved to a new blog to reflect a new phase in my life.

Yeah, it sounds cliched.. but then let me complete the formality.

so Long and Thanks for all the fish...

This blog gave me some hope and made me to "smoke" in life..

This blog is dedicated to u ppl and the cigarette which I smoke....

i will return to this blog after twenty months...

(Added on 10th june): Me blogging here

easter..

Well in this moment of madness and death, I actually feel so happy today.

imagine this .....

Rain + K.Jesudas song + Finance book which makes you to think + A hot cuppa

Bliss all the way... No wonder, I love the journey rather than the destination...
and I get the hope that I ll find inner peace soon.

celebrating death -- part 4

"ithu enna mayam" song... two lines which make me to smile..

"vazhigalai nee moodi vaithal payanagal kidayathe..."
-- suits my death and resurrection after that...

"un varthaigal tharum vegathal naan meendum meedum katril pogiren.."
-- this is precisely why I want to die :D. You wont realise the warmth given by the words. But they keep hitting you at regular intervals. Then you realise without those words, you will miss something in life and you want to hear them day in and day out, 24 *7*365.

Easter sunday today.... Death and Resurrection - theme of the week

celebrating death -- part3

"puyal pona pinnum puthu pookal pookum...
ilavenil varai naan irukindren....."

I still stand by this line...

I ask myself... "Y did I do this?..."
I tell myself... " because this was bound to happen.. this is what u wanted to happen"
I ask myself... "ok... Did I try hard to break that?"
I tell myself..." I tried hard..bloody hard.. I substituted someone in place of someone.. but still my heart always knew what it wanted"
I ask myself... "ok.. but y shuld u die for this?"
I tell myself.. " i need to die .. only then rebirth is possible"
I ask myself... " Do i have the courage to die..."
I tell myself... " i cant answer frivolous questions like this..isnt it obvious"..

celebrating death -- part 2

I miss Jasmine flowers..
I miss Thavani angels
I miss east coast road
I miss the sea breeze
I miss my machans
I miss bread omlette at 3 in the night.
I miss Krishna hostel Nite outs..
I miss 47D,23C,5E.
I miss the king sized ego -- that "never in my life" attitude.
I miss this blog where once i wrote whatever i wanted.
I miss the joy of nothing.
I miss Chennai.

But Am I missing them.. Nope...
Rather I m watching them today.... (On april 6th,2006 - I am at chennai)

I would build "Me" back. Step by Step. Brick by Brick. But this time with more fire power and armour which cant be pierced.


Amen.

celebrating death

I promised that this will be my last post. But then , this is not my last:).
I have decided to celebrate death in my own special way. So wait for two or three more.
The next five days will teach me many things in life which I have never studied before.

I am not an egoist when it comes to relationships. Because I know the value of friends. And by friends, I mean people who will be there for you 24*7*365; People who will give u a call as soon as they know that nothing is working in your direction; People who will feel happy when you feel happy. I dont refer to any acquaintance as friends. The term Networking can go to hell.

I dont want anyone to feel sad for me. I hate people showing sympathy unless I ask you to call me up and share my inner thoughts. No one needs to dig my grave. I will rise again .. yeah in my own hard way.. in perfect peace.

The real reason why I want to stop blogging is all there in the name of this blog. I, who found joy even when nothing substantial happened in life, have ceased to find joy and pleasure in life.

I saw the mirror. I saw pale eyes which once had fire in them.
I saw the mirror. I saw a loser who never lost in his life.
I saw the mirror. I never saw myself.
I saw the mirror. I saw the death.
I saw the mirror. I saw my darkside.
I saw the mirror. I saw you.

I saw the mirror. I saw my ethics and selfishness fighting with each other.
I saw the mirror. I saw my selfishness winning hands down.
I saw the mirror. I saw Hope. Hope that I will live.

I saw the mirror. I broke the mirror. Period.

As I continue to die, I do not want anyone to wail for me. I do not want anyone to perform my last rites. I do not want to listen to the obvious. But then, this is what I want as well. So be away from me and be close to my heart.

Gentlemen, I smoked my 95th cigarette.

and I promise you people, as I smoke my 100th, the eagle (check out the link) will soar high. Back to Sky where it always belonged to...free,careless,joyous.

mother of all decisons - part 2 ...

smoked my 50-th cigarette today.

clarification: Mother of all decisions refers to life or death decision and I really mean it....

I can see it coming.. My death. But then I do know that I ll rise up from the grave alive - Never To die again....
Its tough not to be a scorpion. That is an understatement. Its bloody tough to be a scorpion.

Please forgive me for my sins...
My ethics is falling apart. Im going to break a promise and commit The sin
and everything is nearing an end........
I guess this is my penultimate post of the blog world.
The last post - My 100th cigarette post.... I thought it will never come. But then its on its way...
Then I shall die and rise , I repeat , RISE in peace.

my mummy sweetest...

My mummy is the bestest mom in the world.
My mummy gets angry if i dont cut my nails.
My mummy nevers gets angry otherwise.
My mummy is always there for me when i feel depressed and never asks me the question "y".
My mummy dances before attending an interview.
My mummy is so cuttteee...
My mummy loves my "otherside".
My mummy took her own time to complete the course ( hats off to u mummy for being strong)
my mummy dances all the nite with lots of energy.
my mummy behaves like a child.
my mummy is going to say "yahe he right choice baby..aaha"...
Me and my mummy share a tragic past which brought us close...

P.s.:
~otherside: continue to love my mummy ..my mummy likes u a lot....
~ God: I dont believe in u.. if my mummy will get her guy, I ll come and pray in the church...... Give them power to succeed against all odds.
~Mummy ( who doesnt know the blog exist): I didnt shed tears today.. I reserve it for ur marriage with ur guy....