I paste my mind.

Death finally..

2007-04-09T22:02:00.000-07:00

Travelled in an unreserved seat yesterday.
But then the seat was reserved for me. Period. (if you cannot get this dumbo, go to hell)

Postponed my death to a suitable date.

Moved to a new blog to reflect a new phase in my life.

Yeah, it sounds cliched.. but then let me complete the formality.

so Long and Thanks for all the fish...

This blog gave me some hope and made me to "smoke" in life..

This blog is dedicated to u ppl and the cigarette which I smoke....

i will return to this blog after twenty months...

(Added on 10th june): Me blogging here

easter..

2007-04-08T01:35:00.000-07:00

Well in this moment of madness and death, I actually feel so happy today.

imagine this .....

Rain + K.Jesudas song + Finance book which makes you to think + A hot cuppa

Bliss all the way... No wonder, I love the journey rather than the destination...
and I get the hope that I ll find inner peace soon.

celebrating death -- part 4

2007-04-08T00:37:00.000-07:00

"ithu enna mayam" song... two lines which make me to smile..

"vazhigalai nee moodi vaithal payanagal kidayathe..."
-- suits my death and resurrection after that...

"un varthaigal tharum vegathal naan meendum meedum katril pogiren.."
-- this is precisely why I want to die :D. You wont realise the warmth given by the words. But they keep hitting you at regular intervals. Then you realise without those words, you will miss something in life and you want to hear them day in and day out, 24 *7*365.

Easter sunday today.... Death and Resurrection - theme of the week

celebrating death -- part3

2007-04-07T07:29:00.000-07:00

"puyal pona pinnum puthu pookal pookum...
ilavenil varai naan irukindren....."

I still stand by this line...

I ask myself... "Y did I do this?..."
I tell myself... " because this was bound to happen.. this is what u wanted to happen"
I ask myself... "ok... Did I try hard to break that?"
I tell myself..." I tried hard..bloody hard.. I substituted someone in place of someone.. but still my heart always knew what it wanted"
I ask myself... "ok.. but y shuld u die for this?"
I tell myself.. " i need to die .. only then rebirth is possible"
I ask myself... " Do i have the courage to die..."
I tell myself... " i cant answer frivolous questions like this..isnt it obvious"..

celebrating death -- part 2

2007-04-06T01:10:00.000-07:00

I miss Jasmine flowers..
I miss Thavani angels
I miss east coast road
I miss the sea breeze
I miss my machans
I miss bread omlette at 3 in the night.
I miss Krishna hostel Nite outs..
I miss 47D,23C,5E.
I miss the king sized ego -- that "never in my life" attitude.
I miss this blog where once i wrote whatever i wanted.
I miss the joy of nothing.
I miss Chennai.

But Am I missing them.. Nope...
Rather I m watching them today.... (On april 6th,2006 - I am at chennai)

I would build "Me" back. Step by Step. Brick by Brick. But this time with more fire power and armour which cant be pierced.

Amen.

celebrating death

2007-04-05T14:00:00.000-07:00

I promised that this will be my last post. But then , this is not my last:).
I have decided to celebrate death in my own special way. So wait for two or three more.
The next five days will teach me many things in life which I have never studied before.

I am not an egoist when it comes to relationships. Because I know the value of friends. And by friends, I mean people who will be there for you 24*7*365; People who will give u a call as soon as they know that nothing is working in your direction; People who will feel happy when you feel happy. I dont refer to any acquaintance as friends. The term Networking can go to hell.

I dont want anyone to feel sad for me. I hate people showing sympathy unless I ask you to call me up and share my inner thoughts. No one needs to dig my grave. I will rise again .. yeah in my own hard way.. in perfect peace.

The real reason why I want to stop blogging is all there in the name of this blog. I, who found joy even when nothing substantial happened in life, have ceased to find joy and pleasure in life.

I saw the mirror. I saw pale eyes which once had fire in them.
I saw the mirror. I saw a loser who never lost in his life.
I saw the mirror. I never saw myself.
I saw the mirror. I saw the death.
I saw the mirror. I saw my darkside.
I saw the mirror. I saw you.

I saw the mirror. I saw my ethics and selfishness fighting with each other.
I saw the mirror. I saw my selfishness winning hands down.
I saw the mirror. I saw Hope. Hope that I will live.

I saw the mirror. I broke the mirror. Period.

As I continue to die, I do not want anyone to wail for me. I do not want anyone to perform my last rites. I do not want to listen to the obvious. But then, this is what I want as well. So be away from me and be close to my heart.

Gentlemen, I smoked my 95th cigarette.

and I promise you people, as I smoke my 100th, the eagle (check out the link) will soar high. Back to Sky where it always belonged to...free,careless,joyous.

mother of all decisons - part 2 ...

2007-04-01T09:28:00.000-07:00

smoked my 50-th cigarette today.

clarification: Mother of all decisions refers to life or death decision and I really mean it....

I can see it coming.. My death. But then I do know that I ll rise up from the grave alive - Never To die again....
Its tough not to be a scorpion. That is an understatement. Its bloody tough to be a scorpion.

Please forgive me for my sins...
My ethics is falling apart. Im going to break a promise and commit The sin
and everything is nearing an end........
I guess this is my penultimate post of the blog world.
The last post - My 100th cigarette post.... I thought it will never come. But then its on its way...
Then I shall die and rise , I repeat , RISE in peace.

my mummy sweetest...

2007-03-31T09:51:00.000-07:00

My mummy is the bestest mom in the world.
My mummy gets angry if i dont cut my nails.
My mummy nevers gets angry otherwise.
My mummy is always there for me when i feel depressed and never asks me the question "y".
My mummy dances before attending an interview.
My mummy is so cuttteee...
My mummy loves my "otherside".
My mummy took her own time to complete the course ( hats off to u mummy for being strong)
my mummy dances all the nite with lots of energy.
my mummy behaves like a child.
my mummy is going to say "yahe he right choice baby..aaha"...
Me and my mummy share a tragic past which brought us close...

P.s.:
~otherside: continue to love my mummy ..my mummy likes u a lot....
~ God: I dont believe in u.. if my mummy will get her guy, I ll come and pray in the church...... Give them power to succeed against all odds.
~Mummy ( who doesnt know the blog exist): I didnt shed tears today.. I reserve it for ur marriage with ur guy....

weakness

2007-03-25T10:01:00.000-07:00

Im addicted to smoking(refer to previous posts).
Does it mean that I will be addicted to cigarette forever in my life and suffer from cancer?
No way... I have never bowed before cigarette in my life. Be it wills-navy cut or Indian kings or marlbaro. My only worry is who will buy the cigaratte if I dont buy it... Once someone starts smoking, I ll quit smoking...
Also I promised the kirana shop owner that I wont quit smoking until he finds a new buyer.
As of now, the time i spend in smoking is the best time in the whole day, or week..
Also should I say the obvious thing ? that I Love cigarette. some one buy a cigarette and relieve me from my guilt ... quick :))...
This baby is not walking. This baby is just standing and evaluating all the options.. Evaluating the options like A* algorithm of AI;

P.s. What happened to my blog ?

Nothing. Just a conflict between ethics,values and selfishness in my mind is screwing my happiness..............and screwing this already screwed blog

Merci

2007-03-24T10:31:00.000-07:00

Smoked my twentieth cigarette today (refer to previous post incase u r wondering about me smoking.)

Ppl, dont think im dumbo. Im not. Im not. Im not.

Sample incidents.

Girl1: "whats ur CQ"

Me: "Dont ask me...". (I really hate telling my CQ. No, mine is an average CQ. But even if it is high, I would not like to tell my CQ. I belong to "knowledge only matters" category)

Girl1: "its ok.. Mine is also low"...
I tell her my CQ. She says..
"My god.. i didnt think that u r that high"...

Next incident.

Girl2: "whats ur CQ"... (she didnt get the college which was allotted to me in the Exchange programme)

I tell her my CQ.. she says..
"My god... I didnt think that u r that high"....

Ppl.. Just because I wear an ordinary shirt, an ordinary pant, speak below average english doesnt mean that im a dumbo...
Me wondering who s the next victim...

Mother of all decisions

2007-03-19T12:04:00.000-07:00

this post will be about thoughts which are going in my mind at present..

First, if u dont like someone's post, the best way to comment is " I like the title, I like the colour, I like blah, I like blah blah"... :P.
No, I dont follow that style..

Second, Im moving to a state where I have to take mother of all decisions. Can I pull it off ? Im wondering.. its like a baby taking its first step. Guess it will be so painful but its the first step towards freedom..
Just like smoking 100 cigarettes in a single day and quitting smoking from that moment.

I have taken tough decisions in the past. I left a sure shot exchange offer in IIT. I guess there were 2 offers. One was taken by the professor. Other one was rejected by a guy for some silly reason. I had a good CG which was an important criteria. But then, I had to stand by my values. I didnt apply.
The offer would have been extremely good. With a nice stipend in germany, I would have spent time with sands at Munich. But then, that was a tough decision to make. I still made it. Will I ever till my children about the offer and my decision? Yes, I will.. Let them Judge whether I was a fool or a person who stood for his values.

Should I be selfish now ? Should I quit... Should I not quit and suffer like a silent sea with restless waves..... The waves; Yes, the restless waves; the tough decision ahead; I can postpone it; but I know that i cant avoid it.... There are only two roads ahead... One strewn with flowers leads to the cliff.. The other full of thorns leads to the light at the end of tunnel...
Let me start smoking the first cigarette now... I wish the 100th one should not come in my life.... But reality is not maniratnam movie where everyone is happy at the end....

yeah, when the 100 th one comes, I know that I ll be the ONE to take the mother of all decisions....

p.s: 1) Song of the moment.. "it all comes down to this- Oru nallil from puthupettai".

2) Time to quit this blog is nearing. Once I smoke the 100th one, I guess I ll leave this... and end one phase of my life. A beautiful LIFE.

just a beep

2007-03-07T11:38:00.000-08:00

no.. me not going to blog regularly .. atleast as of now. Have to come back from the depression or hibernation.
But then i felt like blogging this stuff.

Me: " dude. No one called me for a treat after CRP"
he: " machi, no one will call u.. u have to pester them"
me : " it doesnt happen that way"
He : " It happens that way in this place. People are shameless. It doesnt matter whether u worked, whether u spoke positive words."
Me : " but im not going to ask anyone. If they give, they give; Im not shameless"

shortly I got invited to a treat by my favorite gal in the campus :).
I hope she gets whatever she wants out of life. Atb for a kickass life, Anju :D
( Though she will never read this, it gives pleasure to have this in the blog because at the age of 60, u can read these things to ur grandchildren..he he)

Few things I realise after placement process and seniors bidding adieu.

--> Most of the friendships will not survive the first one year.

--> At the end of two years in college, people were settling 25 rupees.

--> People are really selfish. I thought i was one of the most selfish guys in this world, but then Im not.

--> A strange quality which I found recently in myself. If I give importance to someone, that someone has to give importance to me (especially if he gives importance to other tom, dick and harry who wont be putting a fight for him incaseof emergency).

--> got to know some nice seniors who liked me a lot. Im happy that I worked for them and they got their jobs. No , its not about recognition. Its about repaying them.

--> got to see how people fought for their loved ones. Cant forget two pairs. Hope they find peace and love in one another. Both the pairs have a mallu guy/gal:)

--> I know that im not as fluent or eloquent unlike others but then, i can take responsibilities, inspire people and fight for what i want in life.

May be I m a good manager in making......
May be Im boasting.
But then this is my blog.
and u r my friends.

P.s:
~otherside : forget abt the wounds. Sometimes even scars look good; teaches u few things; And turn on men :). I meant the finger injury :)

~proff: I know that someone is hittin u or u r trying to hit someone. hmm Life rolls the dice.

~scotland: Lost in thoughts ?.. what the fuck.. dont cheat me. U still cant get away from someone..

~coconut bunch: atleast u have some peace in life... good. Me happy for u

~unknown seniors whom i like or who likes me: Atb in life and adieu

~unknown juniors: welcome aboard... Lets party hard.

Me off to sleep with this entry.. for a long sleep.....

quitting :D

2007-02-16T09:08:00.000-08:00

I wouldn't update this blog anymore for time being (just adding a qualifier).
The penultimate post of mine "piedpipers 2" made me to think a lot.
The otherside's post reflects my thoughts :D on life.

I realise what I want is to put myself under pressure; pressure to perform; I m not happy with the way things are going.

I may or may not comment in your posts.

when I start again,lets start as if nothing happened in the mean time.

Till then I'll continue reading your blogs. you can be damn sure that I will be reading your posts(everyone of you ).
Incase you need me, just send me an oneliner. Next moment I ll be there for you.

Time to be a spartan. The pain of leaving this blog for time being is enormous. But then I quit when I know that I m getting addicted.

I love this blog. Truly,deeply,Madly..

P.s.
1) Nothing cryptic in this blog...atleast thats what I want you people to believe.

2) Im wondering what label I should give to this blog. LOL :))

3) Song im hearing right now: "walking through the rainbow" - 7G rainbow colony. The speciality of the song is its a good "fake".. thats it.

pied pipers - part 2

2007-02-15T12:52:00.000-08:00

This guy taught me few things in life.
May be committing to someone ( he was committed to the gal for 12 years before he got married to her), may be managing people ( i never learnt it ..but then i knew how ppl should manage), may be inspiring people, may be getting things done, may be going that extra length for friends, may be by being honest.
I m proud that i was your junior and that too one of your favorite juniors after ronaldo and other members of the clan :).
I m so eager to see his little cute kid. The first kid who will call us Mama or uncle in the entire circle.

and this photo. How can I forget the occasion!. It was his convocation and we were there for his send off. The only thing i remember is that he told us this " dey ..place aagunga da " (dey,get placed)and he cried. It was recession and placements were tough. It was the first time i saw him crying. He had a nice job in hand and he cried for his juniors.... I ll take that sight to my grave. Period

and this is the view from our hostel windows. The gals hostel was just near by and it was considered to be a sacrosanct :P place. So the song which used to play was "april mayele.." and that was the period where I used to bunk classes so that I can sit near the window and wait for my favorite gal to pass (name of the favorite gal will be revealed in mail, if someone wants :D)

and this is the "accused" (just like in police station) photo :)..The accused is in JOKA ( sob sob :(( ). From tamil medium school in a village from tamilnadu to Joka, dude u rock.... and i still remember u telling me that im going to crack jampot the day i took the exam... may our dreams come true.

and this is ronaldo with senthil. Ronaldo's favorite maldini is in the photo pasted on the wall. I can never forget the sight of ronaldo and senthil eating a chicken. Nothing will remain. Not even bones. its a sight and treat to eyes.

and this is the saxon picture performing their last dance in the sacred stage of PSG. The gang which ruled regulars and clashed with the rivals barricaders.. standing in the center of deepak alias gundan. I still miss their "ooru vittu ooru" song. The passion with which we supported them in all functions...Legendary.
This is what im missing rite now..the passion, the innocence, the ability to do things and go that extra mile,the crushes, the love for songs :(. May be im a B-school grad rite now :)
P.s. Thank u sreelu.copied ur style.

kannathil muthamittal

2007-02-13T10:27:00.000-08:00

some dialouges which i always liked in this movie (which i saw today with a mid term tomorrow..he he)
..
" we didnt adopt u. You adopted us"
..
" enna kalyanam kattipiya..amudhavakku ammava iruppiya" ( will u marry me and be a mother to amudha ?)
...
" kavala padatha.. kavala patta nee romba azhgha theriyara... (dont look sad..if u look sad u loook more beautiful)
...
" Gk.. intha free advicelam venam"....(gk dont give us free advice)
...
" amma , ore oru thadavai.. ore oru thadavai.. vandhuttu apparam poidunga.. "...
(Ma,come to me once and then leave...)
.....

some questions which can never be answered..

can he ever give a movie like this again.. ? ..i guess no
Simran, nandita das -- who is the best mother ?..no comments.
why wasnt this movie sent to oscars in place of the stupid,lifeless devdas ?....

I should have watched this movie atleast 30 times... still i can watch.

surprising..

2007-02-12T08:11:00.000-08:00

.........
I wrote an exam for joining a club related to finance... I was selected.. I thought out of 40 candidates who wrote, i ll be the last.. infact i wanted to give the paper without writing my name over it...
but im in top 20 :D...
so i m forced to work for finance :))).... after a long time, i guess certain fast forward in career....
.........

guardian angel and cellphone

2007-02-11T08:29:00.000-08:00

"Angel I need u..."
"what happened dear"
"nothing much.. read my blog"
"got it...sure baby.. u got a call this weekend"
"kewl.. will wait for the call"

Angel called.. My Guardian angel... (Not that u guys are not guardian angels.. but we need specialists rite :)) )

and in a unrelated incident...

I came to know that someone saw a cellphone in a road and didnt take it. The cellphone called me and told me that incident(Pan's labyrinth effect). Hmm... its a costly cellphone :(.

signing off with few midterms in this week as well...

ilamaran

2007-02-09T15:07:00.000-08:00

yeah....

Ilamaran is a 16 year old boy. He doesnt know what is right and what is wrong.He is naive. He lives in an utopia. Ilamaran will die when they take me to the grave.
Since Ilamaran is naive and cannot deal with anyone else, Ilamaran will be my private blog....

p.s. Ilamaran-thendral : I got it after trying names like
Ponni
vaagai
vaigai
Neithal
thendral
anbuselvan
Every good Tamil name has been already registered :((.

me against me

2007-02-07T10:37:00.000-08:00

second post in three hours.
no comments/mails expected for this post and I m not ready to speak about this to anyone.
This blog was/is my safety valve. I guess I need this today.

I have been fighting against my values. And my values win hands down. Im sad. Im happy. I cry. I laugh. I m proud. I sulk. I m selfish. I m selfless. I crib. I dont crib. I help. Im helpless. Im from PSG. Im from IIT.
I belong to my present college. My present college doesnt belong to me.
Im real. Im life. Im death. Im a shadow.

yeah... But I m a man. Not a sham or pretender.

I repeat once again. I do not want any help in any form. The only help you can do is to ignore this post and speak with me as if nothing happened. I hope to delete this post in few weeks.

Amen.

hmm ..interests

2007-02-07T07:45:00.000-08:00

well, since i was asked by me (otherside's other side = me..what bull crap..its adi) to write a post on my interests (i was tagged by him), here it goes...(not in order..so arbit ordering)

1) NP hard problems... generally they are medium sized problems(atleast in SAT). So hard to solve. Does it apply to culture ? If we have a huge population or a small population, are we doomed to perish ? I was generally thinking about this. Y cant i put an exploratory paper on this ?

2) what do u call a field which apply maths to social sciences, links physics with management
computer science and finance... I want to work in such a field..

3) why kerala model works ? I guess almost all managers like macroeconomics...

4) "Counterpoint" in Indian music.. Has any other music director used it other than ilayaraja ?..

5) Make an intelligent movie for middle class unlike maniratnam or karan johar. I want life in my movie and the cast will be
Kamalhasan -- villain
Mohanlal -- comedian
surya or vikram -- Hero
Nandita das / meera jasmine -- heroine

6) why do people think alike ? After I read "culture and psyche", I try to attribute whatever I do to freudism or some shit like that.

7) Dark,thin gals. I want to "explore" them :).

8) How and why does "Times of India" sell ? I guess finding answer to this should be easy.

9) Learn guitar. Atleast once in lifetime, I have to play his Bass-guitar special songs.

10) Listen and appreciate different genres of music.

At this point, I looked again into adi's posts. I saw some entry like "an applied field of unrelated functional domains" which is similar to what i said in point 2 ?

11) find out what is success...? is it a process or state ? y is it driving me crazy ?

12) start a quit club(like fight club). Suddenly you resign, move out of the place, roam for 10 days, come back and search for a job. I guess it will be exciting :)

13) Learn basketball ... Late but still I want to learn it. I love the gracefulness of the game. slam Dunk....

I guess I should go back now and read operation research for the mid term on Friday. Pausing my interests for time being...

The "other side" of the story

2007-01-30T13:40:00.000-08:00

Isn't it misleading ? The topic, I mean..
Well the post is about me;
Ronaldinho's dribbling, Rahman's yesteryear Music, Vairamuthu's Lyrics, My arbit actions(rather whose arbit actions ?)..

Few years ago:

I enter a room. Senthil is sitting in one corner. M is sitting in other corner. I ask senthil whether we can go out for dinner. Senthil approves. M tells me that he would like to join us. I tell M to fuck off. Straight in the face......
No diplomacy. Diplomacy is/was/will be for nice guys.
But then, I never felt alone in UG. I was full of life. I did what I felt like doing.

These days:

"Hey buddy..whats up".. As ashok says how the hell am i supposed to answer this question. I know that the question doesn't come from heart. It comes from mouth and is used for "networking" ( a widely used lingo in B school)...
But then I'm back to UG mindset.

I got what I wanted to get from this college.
One more addition in the portfolio. But then this is little different. The other sex :) brings the other perspective :)
A new role in this relationship which my friends played to perfection and it is offered on a platter to me :). Hope I do a nice job.
I don't gave a damn about the taking out debacle.
I give what the fuck look to people who are mean to my other side in the college. But then I do not tell them I have the other side. Like shiva's third eye.

Its like the Tyler in the fight club
"quit your job. Start a fight. Prove that you are alive"
Time to prove the world I'm alive. Bloody well alive and dangerous.

Kindly don't expect me to be chivalrous, diplomatic, flirty any more.
I dont give a damn about any new "whats up" relationships.

P.s.
1) @otherside: Your presence in my life from now on is acknowledged. You should put a century partnership.

2) @Trio(u three know who this refers to ): I dont have time for you guys any more :) for some more weeks..

3) @Ronaldo: Get out of the fucking company and try to do MBA :). Put some money in my account. Im fast depleting my resources :(

It has started...............the year of the scorpion.

taking out debacle

2007-01-23T13:04:00.000-08:00

Well,
Lesson number 1: If you are not comfortable with someone, then dont ask them out.
Lesson number 2: Be ready for Googlies.

Me: " Can I take you out for lunch ? just like that and nothing serious"
she doesnt respond.
She doesnt respond for another 30 minutes..
I Sms my other side.
Other side replies " what did she say ?"
I Sms my other side " waiting for result".
Then I call crimemaster gogo.
After I return back, I buzz her again " u thr"
She replies " yea"

Now I infer that the answer is no; And I strangely do not feel anything sad about this. I felt a tinge of sadness as this was my first attempt :-);

I reply back; " Thats kewl. Nothing serious about what I asked; and I just wanted to know whether you read what I typed."
Then I go for a meeting.
I come back
I have a message " what did you ask"

Me (thinking ) what the fuck

I reply back : " that was about what i sent u"
She : " what did u send me"
I : " I asked u out for lunch , just like that and since u didnt respond, I thought that u said no"
She : " oh. I thought that it was spam "
Me (thinking) : Jesus christ.... Am I that dumbo that I wont ask any gal out..
She : " is there any specific thing to it or is it generally"
Me (Thinking) : what the fuck shuld i answer ? More importantly what the fuck is the right answer to this question.
Ohh ..here i miss my other side.
cant someone attempt this question or cant i ignore this one.
I : " generally. Arbit "
SHe : " In that case i do not know more about you to come out with u"
me (thinking) : what.. thats y i want to take u out u moron...so that i can know more about u. If we both each other very well, there is no need for taking out. Its a direct engagement and commitment.

I : " thats kewl."
She: " probably later :) "
Me (thinking): yeah get some 2 kids with some guy and we have all the time in the world. we just have 50 more days here u dumbo.

SHe: " Do u know ? some xxx got some yyy call from some zzz college"
Me (thinking) : wait for a moment. Am i going crazy now ? .. I ask u out . U say no and u send me this trivial piece of info which im supposed to know :(( ?????
I : " is it a guy or gal ?". ( still some vital info shuld be collected)

She: " a guy"

Me(thinking): k..lets call it a day.. a guy ha :(

p.s. :

1) Is taking out a gal the first step or intermediate step or the final step ? I thought that i was intermediate step. Dear close friends who read this, can u help me out :) ?

2) I am happy :). I had 1001 works to do.
I have 1000 works to do.

3) I made a humourous(atleast tried to) post out of it. Because only my close friends read this and just to tell u guys that I m not affected by this "No".

Arbit 'o' Arbit

2007-01-17T13:46:00.001-08:00

Program Test post. (Checking performacing extension in Mozilla firefox)

If (test post == success)

{

printf("%s",Mozilla rocks);

}

else

{

printf("%s",Mozilla still rocks);

}

p.s. Feels nice to write a C program ( with lots of mistakes :)) after a long time.

She...

2007-01-13T08:20:00.000-08:00

She dated a simple,elegant,fun-loving,liberal,broad-minded,honest guy. They both decided to get married. It was her decision.

She had her Mother's face. Her father told her that. She was able to understand.

She started her own mechanical company as she wanted to employ unskilled labour. It was her decision. She got a loan from her father ( she insisted on a loan though her father wanted to gift the money.)

She worked as a consultant for a big conglomerate. She quit the job. It was her decision.

She gave many carnatic concerts. Music was her passion.

She pursued management degree from premier institute in India. It was her decision.

She got her book published by a big publishing company. Writing came naturally to her.

She worked for a biotechnology company. She was one of the founders of the company which wanted to provide low-cost medicines to people.

She graduated. She wanted to be entrepreneur. No one in the family objected to her wishes.

She played basketball representing Tamilnadu. She loved basketball.

She joined IIT madras. That was the best college in the country at that time. Her father's close friend was a big professor at IIT. She was crazy about engineering right from her childhood. She dreamt big.

She read a lot of books. She lived in the book world. She slept only for 6 hours a day.

She loved her father a lot. She loved her mother too. Though her mother was not as intelligent or as loving as her father, she had no choice.

She was loved by her father's and her mother's friends. They considered her as their own daughter. Prominent among them were a big industrialist, a big software guru, etc... It was too long to list her parents friends.

She spoke about her political views in the family. The family respected her choice.

She spoke about the latest crush she had in the school with her parents. They laughed. But they stepped in when they felt that she needed their help.

She was always given the option of doing or not doing a certain thing. She took her own decision. If it was not sensible, the faults were pointed out.

She didn't top the class. She was not forced to memorize. Though math and science came naturally to her.

She was three years old. Her parents were able to spend time for her inspite of their busy schedule.

She was called as amudha. Her name in the school records might be different though.

She had her mother's face. Though she couldn't understand that her father often said that.

She was born (or adopted by) to me and some xxxxxxxxxxxx.

p.s. Strong felt the urge of writing this........ donno y :)

The heroes

2007-01-08T04:59:00.000-08:00

"Kamal hassan or Mohanlal" ?. I guess most of us would take a stand on this topic. I do know few people who think that kamal overacts. When it comes to talent in other aspects, kamal wins hands down.
He can sing, dance (started as choreographer), direct, produce, write lyrics. He lives for cinema. Now when it comes to acting, the real debate starts. Mohanlal is a king when it comes to day to day roles. Kamal reigns in author backed roles. Not many have acted as a charlie-chaplin, psycho-path, Humanist, buffoon and so on.
Now coming to overacting syndrome, it is important to understand from the cultural context. I believe that dramatic tenor has always been part of tamil culture. If you speak with people from South tamilnadu, you can understand the accent, the stress, the emotional palette which they bring out with their body language. Even subtle things like love, friendship are expressed with variety of emotions. Naturally kamal(hailing from paramakudi near ramanathapuram) portrays in his acting.

Watched veyil( sunshine ) during the vacation. Watching the movie was an exhilarating experience. It filled me with subtle emotions of childhood. Bharath's character portrays the angry young man of madurai and I derived the kamal-mohanlal difference from Bharath's character. Pasupathi came up with a class act. In one word, tamil movie industry at present is malayalam movie industry of 80's. Raw talent can be seen everywhere.

P.s. 1) After a long time, I came up with a post which doesn't speak about my life :).
2) I like mohanlal :-).
3) Waiting for Bala's Njan kadavul. Move over manirathnam. Time for you to exit Tamil field.

Moonam thampuran

2007-01-04T11:51:00.000-08:00

Chumma...(Mohanlal style).
This post is to celebrate a new phase of life. Its unbelievable when someone points out that twenty days ago I was in crush with a girl and the crush does not exist any more.Hmmmm, One more unlucky girl in this universe exists from 2007(Gentlemen, Humility is my virtue.)

The most important thing that is frightening me now is my career. I cant land up in soup once more in my life. But thats the challenge and I am relishing it.

And the best thing is optimism. Optimism in transcending relationships, events unfolding now and future; Optimism in wearing new masks, in undergoing pains, in failures and learning; Optimism in exploring new areas; Optimism in LIFE. Period.

Things I enjoyed during vacation:
Rice fields, bright sunlight, heat and humidity, friends, Trip to God's own country, Food and sleep(not exactly in same order)

I'm damn happy in life. I was, I am and I will be; I did not have any new year resolutions. Its funny to note some new year resolutions. New year doesn't exist for me. Each day is new and fresh. Each day is an opportunity. Each day is passport to success. Each day is my day.

Song: "Oru nalil" from pudhupettai which reflects my mood (style copied from kuttan).

p.s. Oflate I feel that the posts are bragging about me. But my marks(results) are not showing the trend. May be its time to CRACK THEM......

Pied pipers

2006-12-11T10:57:00.000-08:00

I have been fascinated by 'pied piper' right from college days. Well not the piped piper of the stories which we read; real world piped pipers. This post does not include the readers of this blog among whom I know few more piped pipers.

Zinc mine manager(Zinc):
Zinc and Yours truly were schoolmates and continued as college mates. So I had the privilege of knowing Zinc right from childhood days. Zinc was a natural charmer. Birds used to flock him even in a conservative and semi-urban society in which we were brought up. Zinc is one of the best non-judgemental guys I have ever met in my life. It was not the looks,but attitude; Zinc was more of entertainment to us as well. When he comes to the room to discuss something, we know that its ++Zinc.count(). We listen to him patiently about his new exploits. However we were pretty pissed off when he broke commitment to a girl and went for wrong choice. We decided that day that advices don't work in real world even if it comes from a close friend. But the duty to do so remains :D. Breaking a committment still remains a taboo for the Scorpion Clan.

Insect:
The next one is acquaintance in the college. Insect was a batchmate but ended up as my junior due to ragging issue and was debarred for an year. Insect just follows his instincts. He reads "Brief history of Time" before physics exam, sees "azhagi" film for 10+ times ( I was watching the movie on 5th day and Insect was sitting next to me watching it for 10th time in 5 days in the theatre). His selection interview in a famous database company is legendary in college. He didn't know "C" but managed to clear aptitude exam with C questions just by common sense and cracked the interview with algorithm knowledge(and Insect is an automobile engineer).

Spring:
The third one is acquaintance in IIT where I was doing my PG. I learnt that humility is a virtue from Spring. Spring dopes; Spring smokes; Spring bunks classes; Spring sleeps in class; Spring likes guitar; The only thing Spring does in the VLSI class was to write guitar notes or solves Maths puzzles. Spring doesn't believe in learning concepts and applying them. Spring thinks that Mortals do it. Spring believes in finding the concepts(yeah.. U r not supposed to learn them but intuitively find them in exam)and solving the problems in the exam. Spring was a physics god and was engima to most of his friends.

(The end).........

P.s. Zinc Mine manager ditched that gal. Now He's in love with a gal from Telugu land. Hope this time he marries her and settles down. His professional life is total success. One of the fastest rising person in corporate ladder.

Insect ended up as a placement committee member(not sure whether he was secretary) in the Top most business school(yeah u guessed it correct ! "A" for ass) and works as a consultant now.

Spring couldnt get a decent reco from his proff. So he didnt go to US. He ditched 7 digit salary from top MNC and is currently doing his Phd in mathematics in Madras from Mat science Institute for a stipend of 3000. But I m pretty sure that Spring will end up as a big scientist in near future.

a song to my Pals

2006-12-02T08:42:00.000-08:00

I wanted to remain aloof for sometime. But an incident pulled me back to this blog.
This was about a confused friend of mine who was not clear with his life.

This is a conversation which I had with my friend
Me: " What r u doing these days ?"
He: " calling her. Speaking for hours together in phone"
Me: " For how many years will you continue to do this. Y dont u propose "
He: " She will not accept and next year anyway she is getting married"
Me: " then why r u still speaking with her if all is over"
He: " just for the kick of it. :D"

welcome to club my dear friend.. Let's party for the "kick".
I was worried whether you enjoyed your life; whether you knew who's your kind of gal. Now I am happy that you do both.

Few days back I got a shock. Well I went to a shop and asked for a chocolate !!. I used to hate chocolates few months back. I never liked the taste. Once I started eating it, i realised that i have changed a lot. Not only with chocolates but also in other aspects of my character. To reflect my new personality, I needed a new blog. So I m seriously thinking of shifting to a new blog. I might shift.

I decided to dedicate a song to few people(the college clan and school friends are excluded).

->"kaatukulle" from thalapathi. This song goes to you. Allow your mind to fly and live the dreams. Enjoy scotland country side.

->"vanam nammaku" from anjali. This song goes to a person who is destined to do great things

->"yenai kanavileye" from kadhal desam. This song goes to love struck friend who likes rahman and who likes a program analyst(he he). All the best machan. Its a big step(u know why) and hope you both put a century partnership.

->"putham puthu " from thiruda thiruda. This song goes to a person (well I ll go cryptic here) who likes rahman and who I am not sure is enjoying the life. Enjoy and chillax.

->"oru ooril" from kakka kakka. This song goes to future writer and journalist(you are as wild as Jo in that song(not the movie). Thanks for allowing me to be my own at all times and keeping my spirits up(you know when). Wanted to write a testimonial to you. But need some more time to gauge you properly. Sorely miss u as my batch mate. Y the fuck did u crack xat three years ago :) ?

->"kalayana malai" from puthu puthu arthangal. This song goes to the fastest rising friend in the corporate ladder. Graduate engineer to a Manager in three years. Machan, I m sure you will be the vice president of that bloody zinc mine in another 4 years.

->"poo pol poo pol" from minnale. This song goes to a gal who showed affection(not love, my dear audience)in her eyes when she told me that I got through in summers. I had to erase whatever opinion I had on you. Extreme scorpions(me) are not compatible with Leos( I dont believe in astrology though) ???.

->"Onnam raagam padi" from thoovana thumbigal. This song goes to me. For I believe that at present I am in a position similar to Mohanlal's position. Couldn't show my real me in this damn place. I have to control my emotions, maintain my diplomacy, couldnt know who is the real one(cryptic mode here) , and yet maintain double life (one in blog,mails to my friends and other in real life at JIM).

But I get the kick out of this whole damn thing. Though I get a hard kick in me being myself in mails and this blog. I love my life and nothing can screw my life :D.

addiction

2006-11-27T02:49:00.000-08:00

I m addicted to thoughts
Thoughts of pleasure
I m addicted to words
Words of a painter
I m addicted to blogs
Blogs of my kind, ( comma in the sentence..... muahahaha)
I m addicted to sleep
Sleep of my conscience

I m addicted to de-addiction
De-addiction of my addictions

Let me De-addict,
In the name of
Father,Son and the Holy spirit.
Let the spirit of Finance, Mathematics take over my soul which has been badly battered by the attacks from the Neighbour.

P.s. Feeling depressed of late. So back to basics with the proverb
"work when nothing works"
Will be out of action till my end term.

a gal

2006-11-24T07:45:00.000-08:00

The post sucks.. STILL this is my blog and I don't write for audience(no this is not an alibi. I'm dead serious)
Go ahead at your own peril.

I had dinner with my friend here. He passed out from IIT kanpur and one of the rare genius who can be found across campus.
The conversation:
Initially it started from Financial management, some randomization algorithm, market hypothesis and grades. Suddenly,
Me: " Machan. I need a girl"
He: " what ! (He was crunching his masala dhosa and was taken aback by this out of blue statement from me)"
Me: " a gal..."
He" " for what "
Me: " for talking. I have to know How they feel . I want to feel and realise that"
He: " what kind of " ( Well he is not a pimp and doesn't intend to be. But still)
Me: " Not the usual girlish ones. I hate girlish gals" (as if im the only one in the world with an extraordinary taste)
He: " Thats the problem with us IITians. We can't cope up with the girlish ones"
so decided to come up with a post about the types I found in my life

1) Pink shoes category
I love them. I adore them. :))

2) The Whining category.
Depends on what they fret about. If its about nail polish, you can safely leave them in a mental asylum

3) The Page 3 category
Well this category can be a double edge sword. They can help you during the interviews and smoke a "joint". Liking them depends on whether you belong to page3 category.

4) The Muggu variety
This category will be six pointer (in JIM parlance - Equivalent to nine pointer in Engg) in Gas courses. But they can't crack Analytical courses. Ideally this variety will be preferred by companies who need people who can do same work, day in and day out, speak with clients, settle down by getting married with a high salary. I have nothing against them.

5) The attitude category
if a gal has fair skin and nice figure, the probability of belonging to this category is very high. The probability increases if she is the only one around.
You need to be a bradd pitt to approach them.

6) The caste category
Of late I found this new category. This includes girls who think that family name is important ( as their surname)

7) The Tomboy attitude category
The rarest one. This category can show symptoms of any other category (for a while) as they have to succumb to peer pressure now and then.

8) The laid back variety
Tough to find gals of this kind. In case you find someone in this category, do let me know. I know only the varieties which CRY in case they don't get jobs in the first day of the campus. This does not include lazy ones. Just includes Easy going variety.

9) The "CATEGORY"
well this includes all girls I like..Believe me this category doesn't have exact features. But typically broadminded,analytical(haven't seen many in my life), stable / Mercurial (yeah I like both), passionate, has got a classy outlook;

P.S. Categories can overlap :)). But broad contours remain

If death strikes

2006-11-23T14:12:00.000-08:00

Thanking Surya for giving me permission to blatantly copy her post. I am not changing anything in her post except few deletions (whatever is not appropriate to my life). I guess I can’t do any justice to the post unlike her. Anyway my additions are below her words
“
My friends, when and if I die
Be it from accidents or diseases (No suicides definitely),
I would request you to honour my decision
The same way you honour me now.

Instead, pour out shots of tequila as potent as my zest for life
Generous quantities of red wine with the intense colour of my thoughts
Share many a story about me around a warm winter fire.

How, I made you laugh and cry
Made you angry and was your sedative
How I stood for truth and lied so easily-
Chew on them, along with some of my favourite food.

My friends, if I ever make a sudden journey,
Do not feel betrayed, do not fret
Even if it a surprise
For both me and you

Feel happy for me,
Live life the way I wanted to live
Making mistakes, happy, passionate
Enjoying long walks, good songs and dancing all night

Divide my books,
Pick and choose; take everything between yourselves
Do drop in at my parent's home in blue moon nights.

Live your life such that
I can leave mine without guilty
Safe in the knowledge
Of you taking care of yourself and my loved ones.

Amen.”

I wanted to smoke one cigarette in my life preferably in a hill station like munnar. I am not going to do that in my life for sure. Someone smoke that for me after my death.

This is for my best friends. One has been, is, will be my soul throughout my life (We have been friends for the past 23 years.). “Live life king size, senthil”. Live my dreams as well. Da, my life is not complete with you. :)
One doesn't know that I write blog. Hence I will leave him alone for a moment.
"The clan" - Toast me whenever you guys have a drink(smirnoff preferably)
The last will take care of himself . Kuttan, you have been one of the inspirations in my life. I know that you hate advice and I don’t have anything to offer you. You will live your life.

This part will be common for all close friends.

Remember me when you see someone wanting to adopt a kid.
Remember me when you listen to ilayaraja music on a full moon night
Remember me when you come across my past crushes. Tell them I loved them at different times of my life and my life would not have been complete without them.
Remember me when suchi says “Hello Chennai” in Radio Mirchi; when you go to Besant nagar beach; when you drink chaya or eat bread omlette in late nights;
Remember me when someone confesses his love for “The HINDU”, “Frontline”.
Remember me when you watch anbe sivam, kannathil mutthamital , azhagi or any good mohanlal movie.
Remember me when you come across a person who can’t flirt properly, who feels shy to ask any girl out(anyone who screws up relationship very easily)
Remember me when you see someone struggling to face the audience from the stage.
Remember me when you read ayn rand or any good book, blog.
Remember how I hated people who can’t speak their mother tongue(includes all fraud mallus).
Remember me when you see someone who doesn’t care about attire.
Remember me when you see someone who likes dark skinned heroine, tomboys(in attitude).
Remember me when you see someone speaking about Tamil literature and culture effortlessly(ideally he should speak about economic impact of Dravidian movement, cut-out politics, Periyar’s legacy). WTF ???? (I typed this. I am retaining this).

Amen.

you committed suicide

2006-11-17T22:02:00.000-08:00

you committed suicide last nite
you hanged urself in ur room
you didn't tell anyone of your close friends that you were in distress.
you didn't have any bloody reasons.
you told me about your career ambitions yesterday afternoon in the mess.
you spoke to me for 3 hours in library two days ago
you were my mentor here at JIM.
you persudaded me to take JIM.
I know you for the past 7 years.
you were always cheerful and intelligent.
But it seems you had a core which asked you to destroy yourself.
I loved you for what you were.
you left us in a guilt feeling that we could have done something to prevent you from doing it.
you left me crying the whole nite.
None of our friends from PSG could believe that you did it.
PSG and JIM lose their presitigious student.
Dear Chandramohan, May your soul rest in peace.
(No comments for this post unless you know chandramohan personally. Thanks. I hope this post relieves part of my guilt)

so long and thanks for all the fish

2006-11-10T08:19:00.000-08:00

Got my summers and a dream profile too. Just a small beginning to my vast voyage of life. As far as management is concerned, I learnt what I can learn in two years. I just stayed course and didn't allow anyone else to influence me. Kept my nerves though in small intervals I got psyched and distressed.
I applied only for Finance based companies. I got shortlisted in few and didn't convert many of the GD's.
GD's are the biggest sham I have ever seen in recruitment. Highly arbit selection put me off.
After four days, the pressure was getting on me. This was the last day when the companies will be visiting the campus and I had to sign out. But still I didn't budge from position because I guessed that there will be a process to push the candidates who haven't got an offer in the profile they wished to get.
Also I saw a lot of them breaking down in the midst of the process. Many cried ( can you believe it ? Managers cryin). Few others signed off with profiles they were not interested(special thanks to my friends and seniors who urged me to wait).
after a long time, I guess I sort of like my present college.
The title of the post is essentially dedicated to my seniors and class mates in JIM and to my friends outside JIM(essentially a code word for my present college from a book).
I guess Im happy now. Great going da machan. I am destined to do great things.
Signing off (both post and job)

Bye bye birthday Jinx

2006-10-25T02:48:00.000-07:00

neither my friends nor myself have been affected in the past 4 days. So I safely assume that birthday jinx has been broken atleast for this year.
Well I didnt have anything to fill in this post(curse the jinx :( ).

so posting cliches, trite, hackneyed (installed word web) expressions
If I can change my past life
-- > I wouldn't change anything except
--> I would have proposed to all my crushes ( didnt propose to a single person...if anyone exists in this category, please let me know. I thought that I was the only fool around.)
--> I would have learnt guitar(no not for gals..Passionate about bass guitar)
--> Made some politically correct statements ( Its an art and I always get an "F" in this one)
--> I would have learnt basket ball(love this game ). We were fortunate to watch lots of national level tournaments in the college. nothing can replace the grace and the dunk.
I will be out of action for next twenty days....

clan,pondicherry and my 25th birthday contd....

2006-10-22T10:18:00.000-07:00

I turn 25 tomorrow. Exactly two years ago I celebrated my birthday at Pondicherry with the clan. The clan arranged for my Bday cake and I cut, I repeat , I cut the cake in the beach road of pondicherry when the clock struck 12. The clan gave the cake to each one who passed by. I was pretty tensed about the whole affair. There are some 10 families whom I know in pondicherry(the whole city is full of my relatives and friends). I didnt reveal to anyone of them about my whereabouts. They were calling me for the whole day and I didn't pick the cell due to roaming charges :D. I couldnt call them back as they might have a caller id and they will realise that i called them from pondicherry. Finally i called each and every one of them after I reached chennai. I lied a lot that day :D.But that was one of the best birthdays in my life.

My birthday is usually associated with a bad experience in my life or in clan's life. So generally the clan becomes anxious when my birthday is nearing. Let me post incase something interesting happens

U realise that u r getting old when children call u uncle. I was born to my father when he was 26... Sigh :D (25 + 1 = 26 incase u do not get the hint). No inferences please :D.

p.s : photo : clan in pondicherry beach road.

the clan

2006-10-21T02:59:00.000-07:00

Today is the festival of lights..sigh. Four years ago when I was in my final year, I was forced to take oil bath by the leader of the clan,deepak aka Gundan. Gundan is the funniest guy I have ever met in my life. Time just flies away when he is near you. there was nothing intellectual to speak with him. Just pure leg pullings. We were his big fans. On the day of diwali, we used to sit in a row. Gundan will apply oil in our heads. After that bath, we used to go a day scholor's house. After grubbing like pigs, we used to go for a movie(most probably vijay movie as many of us were vijay fans),come back and sleep. This year, I woke up at 10.00 A.m. There were lots of diwali wishes but it was not heart felt. No one was there to apply oil in my head. Ofcourse there are no theatres to screen thalaivar movies. some four people called me out for the lunch. I went with them. They spoke in hindi through out the lunch without noticing me. I silently ate the lunch, came back and watched few songs in youtube and plan to sleep for the rest of the day.

So y am i blogging this ? because i miss the clan. The fiercly loyal tribe, who felt that it was shame to think with heads, who went with their hearts out to protect the members of the clan. Nothing was personal and we had amazing wavelengths. Other attributes which the clan shared were
--> we were baptised with class spirit.
--> No gal in the gang (gals were strict no..no. We saw them as dumb headed and not loyal in a relationship. Ofcourse we have travelled a long way since then. How we miss a gal now!!!. Clan, we made a bloody mistake those days)
--> dark skin (donno how. it just happened..everyone was dark )
--> amazing in sports ( everyone was an university player except yours truly :) )
--> last benchers (yeah.. its OBVI)
--> our own shares of crushes and bulbs which we got were legend in the college.
(especially Gundan. Whomever he falls in love with , will get committed to some other guy. Any gal who reads this and wants to get committed can contact gundan and request him to fall in crush with her. Chances are very bright for the gal to get committed with someone who is very smart, rich.)

I toast for success in Ur lives. Cheers( the only teetotaler in the gang was/is me).
so what is the clan doing now ? Leader is an Aussie citizen.
one is in Singapore. two are in noida. One is in oxford univ, one is in tcs, one is in IIM,Joka (mother ******). One is preparing for IAS, some in US and me in their hearts(me being the pet of the clan) :))

reflections

2006-10-19T09:23:00.000-07:00

I have been constantly forced to think about my choices these days(summer internships are three weeks away). A week ago I was dead sure that Im going for finance, analytics kind of work. But after deliberating carefully, Im back to square one. A friend of mine who is in industry thinks that sales and marketing is what an MBA is supposed to do. Generally I stick to my decisions. However this guy is so intelligent and I value his opinion.

So the idea of this post came into existence. Let me try to finish this post and by the end of the post, I hope to get something concrete.
I guess my strengths are more suited to Finance. I can do maths, better than most of the guys. I can reason things. I can model, design. Above all, I love doing them. On the contrary, I cant speak with people and am poor in dealing them. So when it comes to sales, I am naturally at a disadvantage. However this is where my ego comes into picture. I cant leave the field without competing with them in their own game. I want to go for finance after i can satisfy myself that Im better than many people in marketing. Im also worried whether Im an ostrich who hides his head to pretend nothing happened. I cant go for finance just because I cant do marketing. When I do it, It has to be a result of selection and not elimination.

The reason why random choices work in life is "its sometimes advantageous not to have the knowledge of something because that knowledge can lead u in a wrong path".
Hence I m thinking of random choices in my summers as well.
who can help me out of this situation ? May be I need to speak with someone in the industry with 5 -6 years of experience. The only worrying factor is that I have never been in a flux state for 7+ days continuously. All the important decisions were taken instantaneously. PG,company,XL - every damn thing was taken in a split second. But the decision of what I want to pursue is eluding me.

Is a back office analytic work(beating the markets for example) better than moving with people,building business(marketing related) or is it other way round ??
Im more confused at the end of post. Infact im enjoying this predicament. Fuzzy is living up to his reputation. Im as clear as the road in the pic.

my SOP of my life

2006-10-15T13:32:00.000-07:00

I had to write a SOP for one of the companies coming out here for my summers..
so decided to write it in my own way. Here it goes...

When I entered the hallowed portals of IIT for my post graduation, I wanted to get a nice job and settle down in my life. When I left the hallowed portals, I was no more the same person. It was no more about nice job. I decided to achieve excellence in whatever I do and make difference in people’s life. I knew that it sounded idealistic but decided that it will be my path. The path with ethics and values might be the hardest one but I enjoy the voyage more than the destination. I believe that there is no place for mediocrity in my life. I realized that what I learn and contribute can be compared to a small stone in an ocean. I decided that learning will be a continuous process in my life.

I realized from my life that small gestures shown by someone can motivate others to great heights. I decided that motivating others to aim high in their lives would be an integral part of my life. I constantly remind people surrounding me about their potential. I want to be a leader with a vision matching the vision of the organization. I firmly believe that my success in life will be rated by myself rather than anyone else.

If I can make a significant contribution to the organization, If I can groom people around me, If I can make a difference to their lives, If I can enjoy what I do and I do what enjoy, If I can be play my social roles in a perfect manner, If I learn day in and day out from whatever I see and experience in my life, If I solve challenging problems, I would consider my life to be successful.

"straight" from my heart

2006-10-14T05:37:00.000-07:00

yeah..few people here think that im not straight. Few posts in orkut regarding balakrishna ( balayya's dikki), some words from my mouth regarding guys appearance(i used to admire guys who go to gym) and adding to that im still single and dont mingle with the better half led them to think that im not straight. My close friends will definitely laugh when they come to know about this, as they know my "frequency" ( Err.. i meant the wavelength and my tastes and not anything else)

There was a huge comedy yesterday. I unbuttoned my shirt and saw three rashes. My heuristic identified it as chickenpox as one of my close friends had chickenpox 10 days ago. Quick search from wikipedia told me that incubation period was 10 days for zoster virus. I got ready to go home and even decided on which flight to take.
But a sane advice from my friend to go to a Doc and verify whether it was pox saved me 6K bucks. The doc said that this cant be pox and advised me to drink lots of water. Just guess how much would I have paid for this ?? Rs 150. In this small town, docs demand 150(a general physician) ... wondering whether engineering and management are hot fields..should have become a Doc...Since then im in an observation mode and I have been drinking 1 liter of water every one hour.

so if im out of action for next 10 days, u can safely assume that im down with pox :)

some lyrics

2006-10-08T14:13:00.000-07:00

Few lyrics in Tamil songs which I like and came across today

If heart is the tool of love, then heart will win the death..Anbe sivam ( anbe sivam – anbe sivam)

I didn't believe in god until I saw my mother( ithu than - puthiya mugam)

Without failure, Life is incomplete.(ohh maname - Ullam ketkume)

I am the king and you are the land of love who is ruling me (Land ruling the king !!!) { raja raja cholan Naan)

Sky is the bodhi tree and everyday it teaches me something new ( pon malaai pozdhu)

Was seriously wondering why I haven’t thought about penning some songs. Have to try that in second year of my college life

Why Do I like each and every gal I Meet ?

2006-10-06T23:10:00.000-07:00

Well, not exactly, but….Okay. True. What the fuck. Let me face the fact. In my UG days, I used to fall in crush with many gals. However the only characteristic they had in common was that they were all good looking.

However the only sane point about me rite now is I ignore the conventional ones. There are few gals here in my college who are fair, tall who are liked by everyone. Do I think about them? No. Do they stimulate me? NO. Bloody hell its not any more about body.
So what is it all about?. Its about being natural, passionate, idealist and rational (not in all occasions). Its about loving me more than I love myself. Its about loving me for what I am and giving my space when I need that. Chellam, nee enga irukka ? when will you come in my life ?

So When I thought about the tag name which I had in my UG, I realized the finer point is being missed. The subtlety is that I choose the gals with whom I would fall in crush. The pattern of “my kinda” gals is emerging. (Remember this Maddy’s minnale dialogue?. AMP I miss u man. You were one of those who gave me the other perspective of life. I loved the days at IIT (of course madras mathiri varuma :) ) and you were one of the reasons for it. I hate you for not sending me mails. I hate you for not being committed in the relationship. But that’s what I learn from u. what an irony!! . I want to be committed in a friendship and I tell myself that the best part in a relationship is the best times you had and you have to move on. Mother ****** I would kill you one day for making me weak. Hope you get a nice gal)

So finally I realize that I’m a man and not a boy anymore and there aren’t any more crushes in my life. I have gained confidence that I would be truly committed to my gal if I can find a gal of my choice(I wasn’t sure about it some three years back) . MR. Narayanan, please cheer up and smile please. Everyone rise up. The jury is about to deliver its verdict and The jury decides that: We are matured and we do not fall for each and every gal in our lives.

why do people talk to their girl friends everyday ?

2006-10-06T22:41:00.000-07:00

Most people in my college are committed and few others chose to be single. I may be the only one who did not choose to be single, yet remain single :((sob). But sometimes I feel that staying single is rite thing to do(when u hear all the nonsense around day in and day out)..
One should listen to all the nonsense these people speak in the phone. It starts from what time they woke up, what time they went to the loo, what time they had their food, what was the menu in the mess, what class did they attend, what did they teach in the class, who was properly dressed, how many cigarettes they smoked…
Finally they say “I love you. I love you” for as many times as their gal friends want to hear. Then they hear the answers for all these questions from the other side.

There is only one guy out here who speaks properly (???) here. He told his gal friend that in this high pressure situation he needs to take his time to relax and he cant take her phone calls every day. Poor soul !!! he doesn’t know how to treat the other sex ! There is one more guy who utters the four letter word whenever his mobile starts ringing !!. But then he's so chivalrous to his partner over the mobile.
But I feel that committed relationships should be so strong that daily phone calls should not be a necessity. It increases the anticipation of getting a phone call. We should long for it.

If I fall in love with a gal (hmmmm :() , I hereby assure myself that I would not be speaking all the nonsense which I have been hearing for the past 4 months.
Added few links to external blogs. Summers is coming up and Im tensed.

Y cant I speak ?

2006-10-05T12:43:00.000-07:00

Today I was asked to give a speech. As usual I screwed it up. Prepared well and fumbled there.. Only take away was I can feel that im improving in my presentation. Earlier I thought that i will screw it up 100%. But today I screwed it up 75%. So 25%improvement (ohhh what a mathematical genius.). This reminds me of another incident in the class. If someone wants to know about incident mail me personally. i cant put that in a public forum
quote of the month : " theres nothing grey in the business. Only white or black "- JRD TATA... enakku ishtam aayee.

Angels on prowl

2006-10-03T12:27:00.000-07:00

actually the topic should have been devils on the prowl...but Mr.narayanan(spelling mistake intended) is a believer. Hence i cant add him in the devils category. Had a crystal clear day. Two more GAS subjects introduction for this term. I wanted to puke but told myself that there was only 6 months left for the year to end.
My Ex-crush who proposed me some 4 months back sent me all the gift items back..she accused me of being rude,insensitive to her feelings. I was in crush 3 years ago. A lot had happened in the mean time. She was not responding to my cues and then we came to know that we both did nt share similar tastes. By that time, kawa, ayn-rand,kuttan and some one else (naming will not be proper here ... close friends can fill the name)came to my rescue. I deflected my thoughts and was relieved of it. Still I used to send her gifts on her birthdays and mail her occasionally because I liked her as a friend. Out of the blue, some 4 months ago I got a mail saying that she is in deep love with me. Since I know that rejecting outright might hurt her, I told her that i would be ready to help her out. I said that in a matter of months, she will recover (like how I recovered in IIT)and she will be grateful for not accepting her.( I know that im not a good match for her and neither she is for me...)Things are not rosy as they seem to be. The relationship turned sour except for the last mail in which we had nice words to say about each other's future life and I got the gift back(err..she sent me back. She does not want them as she thinks that it s like an illegal child). I was wondering what I can do with the gift. The irony is she has packed the gift in the same cover which I sent her ( can you believe that she didn't throw the cover for 3 years). I always used to wonder whether I should tell her that I m blogging. But I didnt give my blog id to her. Now it helps. It doesn't matter when she comes to know about my blog at a later stage(she might not!). Wishing u very best in ur life (from my heart). I strongly feel that you should give your blog only to your close friends. Acquaintances should not read the blog. Others can read if they come to know about it or come across it. But the advantage is that they would not come across in ur daily life or if they become ur friends, then it would be in the close friends circle ( somehow this theory of mine should be refined. Help needed....)

Narayanan and I had a flame war about banished soul blog, ayn rand. Thanks da, for giving me soul's old blog and pointing out the difference. It was a sort of revealation to me. We always feel that good things should not change ( or vice versa ?)(did not why I typed the sentence.But decided against deleting it) . Narayanan and myself are similar in many ways. We can't keep count of certain things in life :). Today, I got some strength back after reading Narayanan's mails, surya's rediff blog and kawa's voice. Everyone whom i like, thinks like me(not exactly. But still the core aspects never change.). My heartfelt thanks to everyone, without whom I would have become mad . Without the support and friendship, I wouldn't have realised that there are souls like me in the universe.
Some salient features from the soul's old blog(its like my comments on her posts in my blog)
1- the best way to avoid a marriage is to do an MBA. ( i followed the same route)
2- thinking about how your life partner should be ( I thought until I became mad and decided that im going to stay single for rest of my life)
3- UG life need not be colorful ( its a shock. I never thought that people can have a sick UG life)
4- innocence is a virtue and u never know when u ll lose it(the overall feel.)(again I dont know why i typed it. But im retaining the sentence)

As for my plans are concerned, its getting clearer day by day. I have to be patient till my first year gets over. Once Im in second year, you decide your subjects and you decide your priorities. Im looking forward to the loneliness of the second year where I can read read and read as if there would be no tomorrow.

something in common,part -2

2006-09-30T13:24:00.000-07:00

okay... with my third post today, I hope to stop :( blogging for time being...
I plan to continue with something in common part 2 now....
People who speak for 2 or 3 months and annonunce to the world that they are the best friends they ever met in their lives, guys who flirt with every good looking gal and do not move with anyone else, guys who think that fair skinned gals are the most beautiful ones and they can even fuck a fair white pig, people who think that only BIG B and King K are the best actors india has ever produced, gals who wear pink dresses with pink shoes and think that they are cute, fat people with tight dresses, people who drink because they think that it shows their attitude and its fashionable, gals who smoke(inspite of knowing the consequences regarding their future child), all sorts of organised religions, lavish jewels, gaudy dresses, dresses which do not fit the body, astrology, marketing,OB, people who can gas for hours, people who do not speak in single sentences, plagiarism without acknowledgement(if someone thinks that i copy , kindly point it out..i would like to ack it then), hotmail, people who are not fit, people who cant understand poverty and who crib abt laptops in a village trip, people who dont show respect to age(relatives and close friends not included), people who do not like mahatma gandhi, people who aren't passionate, people who make all their decisions with their heads and who do not use their hearts, people who keep count of each and every penny spent for others and promptly ask them, european football, 24 hour heavy metal musik which can lead to headaches, people who crib about reservations without any back ground knowledge about it, the north indian weather, trains in north india, application programmers, people who do not donate blood, people who cant decisions, people who cant read and write their mother tongue, people who do not appreciate secularism.............................
anything in common ????

something in common!!!

2006-09-30T12:29:00.000-07:00

okay.. i grudgingly accept that im at the height of joblessness with two posts in half an hour...but this one was due for a long time in my mind..
Is there anything in common between kamal-mohanlal-meera jasmine-vikram-surya-ilayaraja,C,Linux,Finance,maths,IITians,kuttan's talent,kawa's crystal clear mind, the language thamizh,the PSG tech way of friendship, the IIT way of individuality, wheatish/dark skinned-lean gals who talk sense and who dont stupid questions like why south indian heroes are dark , the minimal dressing which one wears to cover the body, black color, Brazil football team, craze-maze's encrypted blog, banished-soul's deft handling of words and naked truth she posts, guys with good bodies(im straight :) ), the long nights at IIT with kuttan, the hostel top sessions with kawa, the love of karupu gang, TAG classes, gango's probability exam, Sappi's charm, the HINDU newspaper, athelete Marian-jones smile, Fountain head- atlas shrugged, and ofcourse My life and Myself..................................????????????????????

if yes, please comment about the common thing .

did i make a mistake ?

2006-09-30T11:38:00.000-07:00

yembeeea... hours and hours of gassing... forced to take subjects which u hate to the core.. plus many distractions... plus throw in some people who suffer from neurological disorders.. u know how my life is now...the only saving grace is Finance.
some mathematics is keeping me alive. if not for mathematics, i would have gone back to industry Period.
I need a gal urgently.... to keep me sailing in the rough waters. sigh.... looking back at the days when i was constantly in crush with someone or other, I used to excel in time management. Now hardly anything is moving. My mind is cleary saying me to read finance, economics, stock markets; But distractions of age are catching me..... am i getting old ?
"empty vessels make more noise"..when we were asked to introduce ourselves in a gas subject, we had people saying "xyz college, xyz place"...but the only guys who didnt say where they come from were, ofcourse IITians. you can always smell the humility in air, at IIT. I miss it and I miss it very badly. I miss prof. Tag. I miss prof. CC. They always made sense when they teach something. I miss the sense. Hopefully things shuld improve in second year when i can take my electives.
i made a resolution when i came to college. Im not going to speak anything about thamizh. Hmmm...but circumstances are forcing me to do it. I excused myself for this one occasion. More or less my blog has become like a personal diary.
dusshera was celebrated with much funfare. people were busy praying to gods. Couldnt think how they reconcile their internal differences( u drink the next day, u know that u are a hedonist, u know that u can bitch anyone behind their back. Still u pray...).
i saw " banished soul " from a distance. As expected, she was pampering the campus dogs :)))..... very funny(not exactly!!!..err may be lovely) sight....:)

I still remember

2006-08-20T00:48:00.000-07:00

I still remember anitha akka saying to some other gal that her weight crossed 45 and she can start donating blood from next time with a joy in her face
I still remember a lady who told her kid to be quiet for some time until she donates blood.
I still remember a rickshaw puller thanking me for coming to donate my blood for his daughter who needs a surgery
I still remember a fat pig who refused to donate blood because he felt that he was so lean(I hope that at some point of time, he should wander to get blood for some near and dear ones).
I still remember me watching tensed, the blood sinking slowly in a solution. I was relieved when the Doctor told that iron content is okay.
I still remember the doctor asking me whether I have any sexually transmitted disease and indulge in casual sex.
I still remember me arguing with the doctor that there were only 10 days to complete 18 and she can take my blood
I still remember kawa fudging his b-day(after seeing my experience from above sentence) to give his blood
I still remember Dori giving blood for 11 or more times in 4 years of college life to collect his best blood donar award
I still remember that we(PSG) gave more than 1000 units in a single year and created a record.
I still remember how I got a hard on and had a tough time when donating blood because the nurse was amazingly beautiful(well the blood flew in a wrong direction).
I still remember how we used to be very organised in knowing who has got which group and when was the last date of donation....
and finally I still remember how I was so happy that a gal with whom i was in crush long time back gave blood.

for god's sake I dont have surnames and we dont worship ravanna

2006-08-15T12:31:00.000-07:00

This is the N-time Im hearing the questions .
A stupid guy from a wretched state(one of the worst states in social indices, high in naxalite activity) asked me whether we worship ravanna and do not celebrate deepavali. The next question is how come people are so comfortable with lungis down south. The next question is why people look so dark (even the heroes).
Well My answers
1 -- No. But there is one caste who worship shiva and basically like ravanna(im not sure whether the practice still exists.)
2 -- Its not alone down south. Even villages in north wear lungis...
3 -- Because thats our color and it doesnt matter whether someone is dark or fair. Btw we are so broadminded in accepting someone who is dark,fat as our heroes. Its just that looks dont matter down south. Infact i feel ashamed for the other way around. We dont accept dark heroines :(... we need fair skinned (i call them anemic), dumb looking females who cant emote.

All the guys whom I interacted are unanimous in their opinion that they need surnames to identify caste(family heritage blah blah). I was shocked to hear this nonsense.
Im proud that i come from a place where one cant identify a caste from someone's name.
Came across a proff(not me but my batchmates here) who tore apart Tamilnadu for starting reservations in 1967. He was particularly critical about Annadurai. He was particulary critical about us being something different from the rest of country(implicity saying about secessionism ??? ).
The answer lies in Indian express survery in 1988-89. The question asked was "Do you support IPKF in srilanka". Tamilnadu gave support to IPKF and the numbers were above national average(Inspite of IPKF fighting against own ethnic community). We have always voted for integration when the nation has been in distress(1984- indira gandhi death , 1991- rajiv gandhi death, congress swept the state in lok sabha elections).
Well its not proper on his part to speak something crap about a state. Leaving aside that the only question which I would love to ask him is : "sir, so do u think orissa which implemeted reservations(im not sure about whether it implemented at all) after a long time is better than tamilnadu in all paramaters ??? "....

The last question for the day : Y dont u speak hindi ? Its our national language.

What I would love to say is : Y dont u conduct team meetings in English. Its an international language

What I said is : well Im learning Hindi :)

p.s. Im affected by reservations :(...but take it with a heart. Simple fundamental truth: Only if everyone comes up, there will be a market for anything and everything.....:)

English literature and C programming

2006-08-10T11:54:00.000-07:00

Well the topic is misleading. Thats a similie to my situation. Imagine a BA english literature guy who learns C programming in a week and has to write an OS in next 7 days. Thats precisely my plight here. I have got an assignment in finance comparable to above situation. Assignment should easily take some where around 90 hours. Monday is deadline and here I am blogging :)..........
I have lost the sensation of sleep. I sleep at 4.30-5.00 and wake up at 8.00 Am. afternoon a quick nap of 45 minutes .
Time is precious. :) so will sign off

asoooook

2006-08-01T08:34:00.000-07:00

Now according to keo-da-lirci, ashok is one of the most underestimated guy in the history. ashok in his book real time systems says that whatever be the deadline, he doesn't give a damn about it. whatever be the obstacle, he goes to achieve his ambitions. He seems to be a tortoise. Pretty underestimated. But He lives long and has a protective shell. Since I have experienced that protective shell when I did my first Sem at IIT, I know how hard is the shell. Hail Leo....:).........
sorry for a cryptic,vague post... me obvly inspired by Leo's book of Inspirations for Managers...........
p.s. changed some contents after months to prevent from getting googled

four generations behind

2006-07-21T10:29:00.000-07:00

I had a village trip as a part of course curriculum. A batch of 7 went to a village, some 80 kms from Jamshedpur. We were told that power will not be available in the evenings. So I cant take my books and study out there. The shocks which I got out there
1 - There is no Current supply to that village (infact some 100 villages near by)
2 - There is 1 Govt school for some 20 villages.
3 - One teacher for 1-7 std. He will be shuttling between the classes.
4 - Anyone can sit in any class
5 - Most of time, he will bunk the classes.
6 - Its a Naxalite area. Each guy gets somewhere around 5k per month if he joins them.
We did ask some questions to the students in that govt school
The fifth standard gal took some 5 minutes to answer 21 * 5.
One question they answered instantaneously : who's our prez ?
7 - yeah.. this is a Chief ministers constituency :)
8 - Theres no irrigation. Only when it rains , they get some water. We saw a lady fetching some water from a well (where most of us will not even take bath in that)

Thank god. We were staying in a catholic school. The father was very kind in allowing us to use his loo. Missionaries are doing a good job. We may disagree with their intentions but providing education is finest things in life ... They are some 4 generations behind.. was thinking abt lot to blog about this trip..but not in a mood to pen down...

adieu brazil

2006-07-01T22:12:00.000-07:00

When Brazil loses, we lose. When Brazil wins, we win. Y do ppl like brazil ? Because they are the most stylish players around. Ronaldinho dribbling the ball is the gr8test(yesterday overshadowed by the "master" and well marked), one can ever see. It was so depressing to watch them lose the match yesterday. Zidane was left unmarked in the match and Brazil couldnt control the flow for the first 60 minutes. The commentator abt zidane: "the master is showing the pretendors that he is still around". Though Robinho added zing to the attack in the last 10 minutes, it was over by then. The only thing I would tell all my friends who support france, Germany and italy is that Brazil brings ppl to watch football. As simple as that. We dont watch footballl for all techincal reasons. We watch it for the passion,speed,style and Grace. I will definitely miss Ronaldinho's Grin in the next few matches. His long passes, one-one with ronaldo makes him the best playmaker around. Anyways it feels good that France beat Brazil rather than Germany or Italy. France is a team of racial diversity. I just hope that this will bring down the racial overtones of the French politicians who say that there are too many blacks in the team. Time for me to select the next bunch: PORTUGAL , here we come :)

Me in Tatanagar

2006-06-18T07:40:00.000-07:00

Desperately wanted to post some crapppp...please excuse guys....
The most common thing in XL - gals with skimpy clothes. Add to them - a bunch of play boys...Bingo!!!! its a deadly mix like alcohol and cocaine (since this is the "most" important news in India these days...I kind of like this analogy). Coming to serious stuff, the best thing abt xl is it's christian foundation emphasising discipline and austerity. The proffs are amazing and I kind of imagine me enjoying their classes.
For all technical guys : Management is more technical than u can imagine. Imagine "n-shaped polygon" moving in cartesian plane ( well I couldnt imagine this and I was told that these scenarios will emerge in marketing stuff). Another question was why is that X-axis and Y-axis are perpendicular to each other(Answers can be mailed to my id).
The weather sucks like an whore. Chennai seems to be far better. Will end this post here as Im in no mood to continue any further. Financial accounting beckons me.

last day - me a SANTA CLAUS

2006-05-19T08:17:00.000-07:00

warm send off from Big blue

2006-05-19T08:04:00.000-07:00

A warm send off was organised by my team. They gave me a gift and some glowing tributes(I was flattered :) ). But then I know I deserved none. I didnt work hard. I didnt prove myself out there unlike other freshers.

I do know that I have put in some patches. But I enjoyed putting them. nyways, I sign off with this and will be deleting my Mozilla from My desktop now.
Have to return my ID-card :).

Hell's kitchen beckons me.

Bye Bye Big Blue

2006-05-18T20:26:00.000-07:00

Its time to say adieu to Big Blue. I have always respected and loved my alma-matter. I learnt many a thing here. Assertiveness(and how u attain the quality),Teaming, prioritising work, IBM's busines strategy (the bet it has placed on SOA and its core-competency - BCS),core files,PPC architecture.

Looking back I always wanted to work in Linux over RiSC machines. Two days ago I had a chance to speak with LTC guy who actually works on kernel modules dealing with PPC machines. Memories arose at that point. What would have happened if I was put in LTC after my training ? Would I have learnt linux kernel very fast ? Would I have always remained techical ?. Its interesting to think about that question "if it had happened that way ". I have always believed only simple things work in life. "c", "unix (console) and now RISC ( I hate IA-CISC's)- this is going to be the future.

Guys look out for SOA - IBM is rising its head. The way it leverages its multiple business units spread across hardware,software,services,research and produces value to the clients is amazing. Lets see whether I ll get to work at IBM - BCS.

For the past two days I was busy searching about consulting profiles at IBM. Had a chance to ponder about its advantages and disadvantages. I should give a serious thought on it.

This will be my last post for the next few weeks( may be months as well).

wait when nothing works(esp in love)

2006-05-15T05:42:00.000-07:00

This is an arbit post. So better be prepared for this one. Be it love, pacifying anyone or whatever patience is the gr8tst virtue. I remember many incidents which I messed up and my father used to clear the mess; by patience. I was out to convince my cousin abt something. She never got convinced. Till then my father was sitting silent and seeing me. The next day he convinced her. I couldnt believe that. I cried, I scolded,I did everything. She was adamant. But my father used the ACE called patience. I never had that card with me. That was during the teens..... now I have improved leaps and bounds(NO comments r invited on this :D)..... I have seen "n" love stories not getting accepted initially. But then patience gets them the reward. Ppl say "work when nothing works". In love "wait when nothing works"....Thathuvam number :506.......
The perfect boy : gal story was(note the past tense...future may be he he ... :D) a flop because of "patience"(the story is an author's figment of imagination).
Actually comments are invited for this post.........................

Iniya pirantha Naal Vazthukall

2006-05-13T20:56:00.000-07:00

This is the age where two day friendships are called as "rock solid friends". I would like to know an adjective which we can use to qualify our relationship spanning 21 years... I always loved seeing you eat non veg. That deft handling of meat; Its sad that U turned a veggie. I acknowledge your presence in my life(it says all), your contributions to my "share" (you know what it is). I can add more but both of us know that words are meaningless. Advanced Bday wishes da Kawa@SenDHil@Hrithik@Kaadu.

The RED and the SUN or the RED SUN ???

2006-05-11T05:46:00.000-07:00

Ladies and Gentleman,
Presenting you the wily fox kalaignar, the next CM of TN(as i predicted earlier b4 the exit polls in the blog..come on guys ..acknowledge my foresight). The way he turned the elections around, the way he set the agenda will be the lessons which AMMA will be pondering for few years. From the latest reports I see that DMK has won 103 seats. Now adding 14 of the LEFT, it gets 117 out of 234. I do not want the Congress to join the power. Its amazing for congress to get 34 seats. Congress is like US..wherever it goes,it creates a bloody mess.
Chennai is no more DMK fort. DMK losing 7 out of 14 seats in Chennai is a bolt out of blue-sky.
Notable ppl in the assembly : MK( the king himself), sve.sekhar, vijaykanth.

The worst part is an economist and a friend of Mk lost in T-nagar or triplicane(donno which one). I guess we need few intellectuals in the cabinet.
As far kerala is concerned, the rout was expected. The pleasant surprises were "icecream-kutty" and "karu-Muru" gang (Copyright : names taken from someone else) losing heavily. VS will be leading the govt.
So VS and MK ( two 80 years+ ) in power. Lets see what is in store for them and for us.....

musings on music

2006-05-07T21:56:00.000-07:00

The whole weekend I was listening to Isai puyal ARR songs. Fortunately My hard disk got detected in Roomie's desktop. Earlier we tried hard but failed. But somehow Saturday when I tried for the last time, it worked. Since the room has 5.1 speakerset, I wanted to hear Thiruda thiruda, sangamam etc etc in it. When I heard "thee thee" song in it, it was purely bliss.
So here comes my list of rahman's best.

1- Thee thitthikum - thiruda thiruda - purely bliss
2- Minnale Nee - May madham - The violin strings which begin the song
3- Kannalane - Bombay - First time I loved hindustani vocals
4- Anjali Anjali - Duet - Infact all the songs in the film
5- seignore seignore - kannathil muthamittal- I love this one.vellai pookal in this film too
6- aathangara marame - kizakku cheemayale - Look out for lyrics. vairamuthu at his best
7- ithu than kaathal - puthiya mugam - lyric -"i said there was no god until i saw my mother"
8- sowkiyama kanne - sangamam - classical bliss. Nithyasree special
9- pachai nirame - alaipayuthe - he he ...this will be for shalini..Though rahman rocks
10 - Ishq bina - Taal -- another rahman hindustani special

Couldnt include Vande mataaram,roja,Indira in it. They are stunning albums as well.

Again album's like Baba will be in the worst category. There is no way he will be coming up with another album like Thiruda Thiruda. We have seen his best. They say that he has matured a lot and he is experimenting with new sounds,new instruments. But My only observation is this... Those days I liked his album from the word go. But now I dont. Sometimes even after listening for 3-4 times I cant bear that sound. Thats it.

CNN - IBN coverage on elections

2006-05-06T22:23:00.000-07:00

Had a chance to view Ibn's programme on "what prevents TN to be the number 1 state?". The panelists were N.Ram, Cho, Jayanti natarajan,suhasini and two more guys. Rajdeep was giving facts
- The second most industrialized state
- The Second most literate state
- The state which ranks third in attracting FDI
- The most urbanized state in the country (around 50 % of us live in towns)
Ram was reflecting my views. He was telling that state has to go a way forward in attaining kerala's social indicators and must attract more manufacturing industries (thats what gives employment to semi skilled labourers).
Another interesting fact which the panel put forward was about the election commission's decision to conduct elections in a single day to all 234 constituencies. The panel were unanimous when they related with law and order in the state. The panel also agreed on the fact that religious tension doesn't exist in the state.
Cho was on form yesterday when he cracked jokes....
The panelists were explaning how the mid-day meal scheme was a grand success(inspite of world bank objections)
Iconic tamilians put forth by the panel
Abdul kalam, kamarajar, periyar(suhasini's choice and my choice too..), M.S.Swaminathan, bharathiyar
surely the programme should have boosted the brand image of the state.

ayyo da !! Endhu oru glamourrrr........:D

2006-05-06T22:11:00.000-07:00

read the topic in bhavana style ( like in swapna koodu.....)

2 days for the election

2006-05-05T21:24:00.000-07:00

Two days to go after which there will be erratic water supply.
Two days to go after which there will frequent power cuts.
Two days to go after which the voter will realise there is nothing called free lunch.
Two days to go after which petrol and diesel prices will be increased by central govt.
Two days to go after which Srilankan govt will be given arms by the Indian Govt to fight LTTE (they havent decided it rite now keeping the elections in TN in mind )
Two days to go after which the drama where both voters and parties act, will be over.
Two days to go after which Muthuvel karunanithi will be back to power(my prediction).

das das ...nandita das das (sing it like das das ..chinnapa das)

2006-05-04T02:48:00.000-07:00

Happened to read a blog which nandita writes. She is a maverick, not the usual dumb bollywood actress with big features(or small or whatever)but little or no brains and an amazing actress. Who can forget the stellar roles in azaghi and Kannathil Muthamittal. Simran would have put lot of efforts for her role in the film while Das comes in the last 15 minutes and takes away sizable chunk of credit. Whenever I tell someone that dusky gals are a turn on and when they confront me on that, I just utter her name. Bingo ! I dont get any replies after that. Isnt she a turn on ?!!!!

The Failing of a State

2006-05-01T04:39:00.001-07:00

if u guess that Im going to speak about TN, sorry u have mistaken. Im just giving my random thoughts on how maharashtra is failing. The congress govt gleefully came back to power with free electricity, 2700 ruppess per quintal for cotton- promise and they didnt stick to any of them. Infact they reduced the support price to 1700 from 2200 and the CM deshmukh is shamelessly saying that the price was fixed by govt of India!!!!.Then why the F*** he shuld be chief minister of State. Every policy can be fixed by central govt and bureacrats can implement them.More than 400 suicides in Vidharbha alone this year; Malnutrition deaths in Thane (pretty near to mumbai) District. All these in a state which was leading in 1980's and 1990's. Misplaced priorties are pretty much a factor. This is what happens when the base is not as strong as the top. By base I mean the social sector indices. What happens when a state performs pretty well in industries and neglects its education and health ??? I would call it a Maharastra syndrome. It gives rises to fundamentalists who say that problem exists with the outsiders or Muslims. The inference I made for the above problem is based on the logical fact that economic inequalities(due to industrialization) and lack of political awarness( due to education) breeds fundamentalists. Now that fundamentalists are in power, the issues they place b4 people is Ram and not roti. RR patil(NCP) is not an exception. NCP based on maratha community is trying to play the card as well... Dance bars and the Wardrobe malfunctioning have become more important than electricity crisis. The debts of state are more than 1 lakh crore...
I m sure that the same thing will happen to gujarat as well. The base is pretty weak... I just hope that we dont fall to the same prey. As long as the competitiveness of Tamil Nadu is almost at the top of national level, we are in a right direction. Misplaced priorities like Tamil- classical language, kushboo issue will die a natural death. This elections have been interesting for me from one perspective. Will DMK deliever on its election promise. I have decided to place my bets on DMk returning back to power.
p.s : Came to know that PSG tech has got an open software group recently..... gr8 news..have to dig more for further info :)

A life of Techican

2006-04-28T21:54:00.000-07:00

Beware - a long post (not intended for audience. Height of joblessness for the author)
I was introduced to PSG tech when I was studying First standard(Believe me guys: not 1987 world cup story :D). My Father said " karthi..this is the college in which I studied". I vaguely remember the management block. Then as time passed, I guess most of us know around 10th that there is a college called PSG which ranks after Anna and REC in the hierarchy. Counselling came and I was hell bent on taking PSG(partly because I hated chennai at that time and partly I was told that the best figures in Tamil nadu were in coimbatore :D). The worst thing that happened to me is kawa coming to same college and same course ( im not being IRONIC here :D ). Who can forget the first day in the college life. The 4th year seniors guiding us in the admissions process, we being put in the G-block, the seniors serving us and our parents in the G-block mess. I guess they would have answered endless questions about placement( now I feel like it was more of a "B" school rather than professional college ...???). Mani and Kawa in single room. Me being put in a room with 3 people from ECE. Here i have to digress a bit to explain about the hostel. The first years were put in G-block(with roof tiles. It was started in 1946 by mahatma gandhi. We were the last batch to stay a complete year in that. Our juniors had to vacate that in middle). We were supposed to return by 6.30. No interaction with seniors was allowed. Ragging was strictly banned(PSG tech is a school when u compare with govt colleges). There used to be a TV room (open air) where Surya TV malayalam movies were very famous(saturday night 11.00 (i guess i got it right :))). We also have a watchman exclusively for first years(to prevent seniors from entering and make sure that none of freshies go out after 6.30). Whenever he strolls around the TV room, the TV channel will change. However one fine night, he came and stood with us. We were restless because the "favorite" movie was about time. He then told us " surya TV channel podunga".... Even now this makes me to RTFL..... Whenever it rains it used to leak in the room(tiles rite...). I had an amazing roomie( friend of MORPHEUS..snorrrrr.......) who climbs his way up to hang the buckets, plastic bags. The principal who was the chief warden came to the room once and said " this doesnt look like an engineering college guys room".... what a compliment.
The amazing thing about G block is its interaction. Everyone know everyone else in the whole of G-block. Thats the place where the old boys networks form. Thats the place where the future is decided. The legendary mechanical connection we made that year reaped benefits for us in the placements. Guys from all over of TN were friends. All sorts of Tamil slangs were in place. The G- mess food (U guessed it rite!!! ), omlette tokens , mess timings(tell me a place where u can get ur brkfast at 11.00 clock in morning). The nemesis called Engineering mechanics and engineering drawing got our acts together. I also remember the Dramatix curtain raiser the day when we joined. The best of Tech was in display then. that dalapathi movie spoof ( the film dalapathi was changed. rajni and mamooty are students in psgtech.. shobana studies in krishnammal college(our sister concern)......).
The cricket matches, the first year inter-class football matches, my ramblings on CSE which shook the first years, the NCC camp (me losing 7 kilos in 10 days), the kovilpatti vijaykumar, mukundan(the guy who finished in c and c++ when he was in 8th std and who is in M$ now)clahing with subramani...Boy we have seeen many politics, we have seen many gals, many affairs ( ofcourse none of the hostel CSE guys indulge in it.. because we are GROWN up rather REARED up in the hostel properly..we had legendary kawa who makes sure that none of us are serious in anything.), legendary chandru exploits(some 15 gals should have propsed this guy.... )..I ll stop here for the first year.... im tired now (u must be toooooooo). i forgot to add abt our kalpana mam( all the guys in the class liked her...:D..me being decent here.)
p.s this is our hostel looks( 2nd,3rd and 4th years. )

sarigama padanisa

2006-04-27T02:52:00.000-07:00

This post has been in the bench for a long time. Finally I have decided to allocate a project to this ( if meera jasmine had been here,she would have told: "konjam standard joke para da mone"...:-)
The legend of south Indian music: Ilayaraja ( He knows this and thats why in 1980's he had the guts to put on airs with songs like " raja ..rajathi rajan intha raja" and the lines in song "kadhal kasukudaya" in which he asks young couples to sing his duets). Nayagan(1987) is his 400th film, Anjali(500th), Devar magan(600th). Devar magan came at the same time when ARR debuted (1992). Now I guess Rahman would not have composed more than 100 films(in 15 years). Inferences are left to readers :-). Ofcourse I m a rahman fan as well. However Maestro is a step apart. In 1970's when the whole of Tamil nadu was singing to the tunes of RD burman and listening to hindi songs (ofcourse hindi agitation could not take on sharmila tagore :)...aradana, sholay..., a single man from Theni district changed the tastes. A man who debuted with the film Annakili and got his break with 16 vayithinele( kamal,rajni,sree devi, bharathiraja and Maestro went on and on after this movie). I remember a funny incident about this. A age old man came to the college and asked for Music club secretary(Sec). When the Sec asked him what he wanted, he said " I was the person who started this club"(For ppl who do not abt PSG Tech: My college is more than 50 years old. I stayed in a hostel opened by none other than mahatma gandhi. My father is an alumni.I know families with 3 generations of Psg-techians..more on this later). He then asked "do u still put hindi songs ?". The Sec replied: "no..very rare". The oldie " In those days when we put tamil songs, they used to pelt us with stones. The only songs allowed were Hindi..". The whole college now prefers the melodies of maestro. We never felt the need to listen to something else. I can appreciate that something else is good. However I can never appreciate something else is close to Raja's. Infact most of the guys I know have this Raja syndrome. They can never accept that someone else can be better. Just this sentence of prasanna(the famous guitarist) is what I remember and relate to the most. "its not folk, its not carnatic, its not earth, its not wind, its not Bach, it is Ilayaraja". Singing off ...sorry signing off......:)

PAST not PERFECT :(

2006-04-23T06:51:00.000-07:00

They would have been the best pair of the entire circle. A perfect guy. A perfect gal. However they chose not to :(. I used to wonder what goes in the minds of the gals when an they spurn an offer. Do they extrapolate their life to check whether someone better can be their hubby ? Are they so much attached to their families more than guys ?. Are they right and the guys wrong ?. However there is still some hope left. If hope is not the best thing,it is atleast a good thing. I just hope that the both the perfects make their future "perfect" rather than making their future "tense".

Disclaimer : All the incidents and the characters in the above story are author's own imagination and is no way related to real life of author or his friends. This story is not intended for audience and comments are not welcome unless the reader has a strong urge to put a comment. Thanks

Macro or Micro? Randomnessss.......

2006-04-22T21:16:00.000-07:00

This was the predicament I faced in landmark yesterday. For ppl who are confused by what is macro or micro,they refer to books Macro economics and Micro economcis. Finally I decided to start BIG. So Macro :-).... its also funny to see how these veiled women come for shopping. Ofcourse they will not work. They use the credit cards with the hard earned money of their husbands(gulf remittance??). The scenario is pretty similar in chennai spencer plaza as well. Its also fun to watch kids( ya..all those 12 th std, first year college guys) with their gal friends hanging abt the place. Funky dresses(like guna's definition of salman khan), chain around their necks(like 'sethu' vikram),band around their hands, but attitude?????. Somehow they remind me of the song "appan panna thappula" ( "fathers made mistake"..crude translation..but still holds good). Whatever ANBU said came to my mind. "bun..namma kids should not be like this. They shuld know middle class values. Surprisingly Many in the gang are aware of this and vouch by this stmt(me including). I took exactly 5 minutes to select a gift for my friend's wedding(Rs 2000 worth). I wonder whether the time was sufficient to arrive at this costly!? decision.
Already discussions have started in the Hell's kitchen( nice name to neyveli..i have kept) abt my would be salary. They want me to promise the sun and the moon. But i just told them "ettu latcham". Average c-to-c. Dont expect anything gr8. I also thought the urge was over . The urge of my studies. But this random thought has started tormenting me again. Though I consciously try keeping it off, it comes back again and again.
The thought is " Y not an fellowship after MBA.....????" :( ....Guys , please call an psychiatrist. I just hope that inmates of hell's kitchen will get me married b4 this damn thought overtakes me.
Signing off

State of my Mind

2006-04-21T07:23:00.000-07:00

I plan to read. Wake up early. But when I start with financial accounting, I get struck. Something blocks my mind. I live in an utopia whenever i walk from office to home or the other way around. Me thinking how my life would have changed when any incident in my life would not have occurred or occurred. Have to Ctrl Z whatever im doing right now....
Reading, getting out of IBM, understanding what a stupid software called MS excel does,learning accounting basics, a trip with cousin brother to Munnar b4 his placement so that he ll be relaxed, a trip to thirupathi(Mom is insisting) though me a non-believer, are in the pipeline.
..
Of late hearing Endhu paranjalum and Ponavaani paadam thedi songs. Soothes me. I just hope that i ll read something this weekend..signing off..........
some one said first company is first love (my take: because both of them are prone to fail :) ). 4 more weeks in IBM :(

A mail which I would cherish

2006-04-15T06:48:00.000-07:00

but why ibm..u guys will get much better companies..like trilogy and netscaler...veritas..yahoo..google
God I can think of a dozen other places
aim high, friend..
if u start out there..therez no limit to where you can get in a few years
in comparison, ibm is a compromise
think.
The above is the mail which someone(ob its a Gal :-) sent me some 20 months ago. I still treasure it in mail box. At one stroke It changed my opinion on fairer or the weaker sex. At one stroke i knew what i wanted in life(im being implicit here). At one stroke I knew that someone got something which He/She(guess which one fits here) doesn't deserve(again Im being implicit here). Now Im happy like Guna Kamalhassan. I have been purified and Im leaving all craps behind. XL here I come. Coulndt wait to leave to Jamshedpur.
2 days , 4 or 5 posts. Im stopping here for this week ......

Chemistry

2006-04-15T06:05:00.000-07:00

Rasathantram(chemistry) is the movie which i watched in PVR today. What motivated me to spend 120 Rs is Laletan, meera, Ilayraja and Sathyan Anthikad combination. I have never seen actresses as natural as Meera(cliched... but then meera is a chakkari :-). Her body language depicting a guy/man is ultimate. Tha too the way she walks. First half of the movie was pretty good. The guy who was sitting next to me will be surprised if he comes to know I was a tamil and not a mallu.. because i was laughing loudly for the dialouges :-). was able to make out 70 percent of dialouges.
I used to wonder what goes in ilayraja's mind when he sees that directors like maniratnam are not interested in him. No wonder he is satisfied as the best in malayalam come to him. Techically this is one movie in Mallu which resembles Tamil films. Nice camera work. however the only weak point is the stereotypical depiction of Tamils in the movie (one morai mamman from usilampatty comes to marry meera...).. very cliched. But excused for the ilayraja melody, Meera and Lalettan's antics.
movie "ennaku ishtam Aaye "..

5 worst movies made by Good directors(my take)

2006-04-14T00:06:00.000-07:00

boys:
Jeans
Thiruda Thiruda
TajMahal and afer that all his movies
Parthale paravasam

Elections :-)

2006-04-13T23:50:00.000-07:00

Me being a Self acclaimed policital pundit, have to give some Gyaan on my take on this elections
Lemme begin with easy ones:
Kerala --- Left is going to sweep the elections. VS (kuttan and his mother are supporters of VS) will be the next CM. Seems that he has a huge fan base out there in Mallu land. The only worrying factor is he is hardliner in CPM. But I too want Left to win the elections and sound Death Knell to Muslim league, RSS and other communal Organisations.
Assam: The opinion polls suggests congress. The minorities moving away from Congress inspite of wooing them is a trend. AGP is split. Happy Hunting, Soniyaji..BAlle Balle
West Bengal---- Buddha be Back :). One of the best pragmatists in the Left. Nice to see that Left is Right these days
The Land of Tamils ( trying to give an Effect )
Historically we have given a clear mandate. But the Cnn-IBn poll suggests otherwise. I do not want these Ramdosses and his ilk to control the next Govt. Be it Ayya or Amma, please form with a clear majority :-). My take is
dmk will sweep North Tamil Nadu. The south should be clear sweep for Admk. The Congress votes in south should nt count much. The Admk with its traditional vote bank of Thevars and vote bank of Mdmk should have a cake walk. it will finally boil down to Coimbatore region. I thought that removal of Cenvat etc should have made the central Govt popular. But will it transfer as votes to Dmk ???
Well as for as vijaykanth is concerned , he is a joker in this elections. 5% vote share- max of 3-4 seats.
pondicherry : Well , not ready to guess it. This state is always an enigma :) because it s mother land of Bun alias Miow alias JoyofNothing

Death and chaos

2006-04-13T23:37:00.000-07:00

Finally they buried Dr. Rajkumar. Interesting to see the lives of Single men out there in bangalore. Many wandered without food as the restaurants were closed. Luckily we had a hospi canteen near by. Long live Dr. Rajkumar. The man and his fans who protest whenever they release water in cauvery (which has become a sort of drainage these days) is finally Amar ho gaya :(. Had to part with the lovable IBM laptop of the company. Wrote as many Cd's as possible ( personal photos of HER :-) and US :-) )
Happy Varusha porappu Guys .... I remember an interesting incident abt this Varusha porappu . Me being a Gult ( so called :-) ), our friends(caste) and relatives used to call us to celebrate Ugadi. The only question I used to ask them is " please tell atleast one month out of 12 months in Telugu new year". Its funny when they blink. If you aren't part of the culture, then don't pretend to be a part of it. Just like the puli-poonai-soodu story. I feel Im culturally,linguistically inclined towards Tamil. Infact most of the ppl in the caste speak Tamil or 90 %Tam + 10% Gult mix. THen Why the F*** they dont accept the reality that Ugadi is No more. well , it will be gr8 if i can tel them straight at their face. But then :)...I tell my father.
Since the blog is steering towards somewhere else, I stop with this.
p.s : wanted to add abt Dhil pestering me abt the Gals (HER and US). will add it later.

she played cupid

2006-04-07T06:24:00.001-07:00

No I am not going to mention any names here. I got a nice friend because of her. She played a major part in my relationship with that person. We started speaking abt her and then we started speaking abt ourselves. I have never spoken with her. Thanks for giving me a wonderful friend. This small blog is a tribute to her character,attitude and finally to "HER".

she is a fantasy.....

2006-04-04T20:50:00.000-07:00

Was seeing kakka kakka movie in the bus...TN buses are rocking... but then this is not the issue for this post :)... as soon as i saw the song "she is a fantasy", I was thrown back to IIT days... kalakkal and kuttan are gr8 fans of JO... One guy thinks that Jo is his girl friend and the other simply adores her...Jo is simBly(me consciously learning mallu) amazing in the movie.. that too the dialouge "thats a girl thing...ungalluku puriyaadhu", goutam menon is an amzing director.
Also read the news that bhavana will be the new heroine in Bala's new movie. Me leched at her like anything in swapnakoodu(mallu movie).Cute expressions and thrissur slang(mesmerizing like coimbatore tamil. U can feel that they are singing rather than speaking)- thats' her : Darling,Hearty welcome to kollywood.............

finally.....XL

2006-04-04T20:43:00.000-07:00

Me decided to XL :).....
Other things that happened this week
-- went to madurai ..that favorite spot in the temple (though i m not a believer).... took a lot of time to think abt my career at XL...
-- had a chance to see theni ..seems that AMMA will be back.... No anti incumbency factor visible(what am i ??? sardesai or what ???)
-- Kuttan is settled now at Germany
-- dhil didnt make it :(....Bon voyage da chellam
-- Gave my signed copy of resignation letter :)

Irony of my Blog heading and my situation

2006-03-31T00:50:00.000-08:00

Joyofnothing(my heading) and Gloomy-with-Both(My situation).... Me in catch-33 situation(Y shuld I use catch-22..afterall innovation is the life and soul of IBM)... XL sent a nice looking admit card to my home. The gentleman Mr.Ramakrishnan,my father, just rang me up and said that its my choice though he prefers XL... Me yet to decide...
yesterday I had a nice time with "Palam"(fruit) gang of the UG class. Though in college I would have avoided the company of Palams, I felt happy yesterday in their company ...Signs of maturity and things changing :) ???????? ...One of them is a proff now..He told us that he grades his students very well... :)..Shiva's "B" was average it seems... But then only profile matters with these B schools... Mine is a clear-cut example..Had a very bad XL interview..Still through :)

Maaarrrcccccchhhing .....

2006-03-29T05:49:00.000-08:00

It started with march 11 and 12th. After XLRI debacle, I went to the beach house:)... life goes on in an usual manner there. Same peace which i found in IIT days. Was feeling nostalgic abt IIT days when I used to visit beach house each weekend. Mr will smith(any of the karupans can fit in here) soothed my nerves. That week I made into NITIE.Celebrated holi as well.... Then Visited chennai once again. This time because kawa was on his way... met his parents and family.... After 10 months ... me and kawa had a long time together b4 i boarded the bus. The next weekend i was in kerala...This experience I will write in next blog....... Kuttan was leaving to Deutscheland this thursday ( have i spelt it properly :) .. Then XLRI news today. Dad has planned a trip to madurai this weekend... wonder which weekend I ll stay in bengalooru.....
One thing i found in entire march : " evryone close to me are settling down"
Thatuvam number : 1234 :)
Overall this March ROOOOCCCCKKKKKSSSSSS.......................

dreaded thing .....:(

2006-03-29T02:51:00.000-08:00

I was hoping that i will not be in this situation...but thanks to the gentleman Murphy, i have landed in this soup.. Have to select between XLRI and NITIE.... nyways, I m planning to speak with my friend at XL and seniors at NITIE to arrive at "my" correct decision...

journey of 1000 miles......

2006-03-28T22:12:00.000-08:00

Well ...had to start with something.... so let me start with the state of my mind right now...im happy,extremely happy..... I am waiting for something this friday which might make me to fly in air or drop me dead in ground.... if Dhil gets in this friday, this year 2006 has already accomplished its purpose :)...... Anyways dhil sent me a mail saying that he is happy with both ways... Hmm.... But still....